the tree

a handbag

pinching a loaf

i dont know when i made it an art. probably about 15 years ago, when i started putting on the poundage.

started out going in front, lifting up the sack and pulling through. now i reach around and dig it clean.

always a roller, no bunching. dreaded fear of finger popping through a hole in the bunch, rolling much safer.

it is difficult to remember when i did not use wipes, until i am caught without them, which is rare. now i always have them close.

probably law school. the drinking was followed by bloody tp. not soaking or copious amounts, just the sort of abraised kinda streaky blood. nonetheless is did not sit well. thus began utilizing wet tp and with a gingerly touch.

for the heavy flow days, ass pads were brought in. usually the generic circular pads soaked in witch hazel. after regular tp (once again, rolled, not bunched) a nice, cool cleansing pad of cotton and witch hazel.

then, i was in the grocery store, and there it was. a little white box. it said "flushable". it was one of those days that change your life.

look, we all shit. you shit your ass off at times. i shit about twice a day. when alcohol is consumed the night before, maybe three, four or five times the next day. all of that wiping causes abrasion. if you dont wipe, you get skid marks. so you wipe, abrade and endure the pain and blood.

wipes take that away. they gloriously, easily and most pleasurably remove the feces from your anus and flabby area in a way that the dry stuff cant touch.

my system now is thus: roll up tp and go in for the main removal of debris. depending on how that feels and looks, and yes, everyone looks at the wipe, just fucking admit it asshole. if you attempt to say you dont look at your wipes, then you have skidmarks you fucking stinkpot-loser.
anyway, maybe a second tp is needed. then, go in with the wipe. cool, damp, clean smooth...and more. fold it over and use it again to mop up with and you are done.

because of this, the witch hazel pads are not needed much anymore, but if they are, then you take one and jam it in your sphincter and squeeze that fluid into your ass and keep it there while it shuts all your capillaries down there down. sometimes pulling out that ass pad kinda feels good, sort of like relief.

anyway, thats pinching a loaf. go get some wipes. you have to use them fast or some brands will disintigrate during a wipe and that is not fun. thinking ahead, pull a few wipes out of the box and put them in a sandwich ziplock. you can carry this around with you on your person, or stash it in the car or at work. i have boxes everywhere, in every bathroom, in the car, at work, in my traveling bags and gym bag, in my locker at the fitness club i never go to, at my parents house, hidden so they dont get all used up, my parents have since joined the fun, but i use my own anyway. when i'm there.

UPDATE 11.30.09: new stuff. take witch hazel and dump some of it in the wipes tub. instant medicated pads, but ones you wipe with. i keep a tub away from the dumper and have sharpied "danger" on it to alert anyone unfamiliar.

cheap hdmi cables

DO NOT BUY ANY HDMI CABLES RETAIL!!!!!!!

go online. i got 5, 10ft hdmi cables for 10 bucks including shipping on ebay.

just go there right now if you dont believe me. so what if you have to wait a few days. it burns me to see "sales" on one 6ft hdmi cable for $19.99. i saw a 25ft one for $69!!!!

realtors part two

backslappers, the newspaper and realtors. it is pretty disgusting. open up your local paper and look at whatever the local blurb section is called, you know, "movers" or "happenings" or some other crapass title.

there you will see that such-and-such realtor recently passed a course in how to be a fucking realtor. cudos to you assfucker! you got your name in the paper. you can now feel proud about your announcing to the public that you have no other talent or ability to make money with other than leading a car to a house that has been put on a fucking list!

jesus mary and joseph. i pick out our local paper from the wastepaperbasket next to the loo and read the back page about how this ugly person (go here) has just completed a course that only "38,000 other people passed in our nation".

here's more crap: why the fuck do we have to see these retards faces on signs and billboards?!?!? its no coincidence that these retards are ugly, but cant some friend or family member tell them they might get more business if people did not have to look at them?

man, i remember seeing this weasel ladys face all over new smyrna beach. on benches, billboards, lawn signs, menus, ads and holy crap did she hit the tease and makeup way way way too much even for the eighties. so much so that if i met that bitch i would have blurted out about how fucking ugly she is like "your that fugly whore i see plastered all over".

we need to be vocal here. i notice the brainiacs that push insurance are getting in the act of having to see their mugshots on billboards and ads. what vanity. please start telling that loser friend or family member of yours that is a realtor or insurance salesman to stop the insanity of having to look at peoples faces that want our money for not really doing any work.

make people go to welfare stores

i dont have a problem using taxes to assist the less fortunate in our society.

there is a problem when taxes are distributed in a manner which allows those unfortunate persons the buy pop-tarts and soda.

more and more i hit the grocery store and there is a morbidly-obese, fugly human that supposedly has two x chromosomes wearing sweatpants and buying a ton of food which is not appropriate for a person that can act as ballast for a small tugboat.

this alleged homo sapien may or may not have young children in tow that looked malnourished and in reality probably are on several levels.

in any event, easy solution, instead of letting these people who qualify for assistance choose what to ingest, let us folks paying for it choose for them.

give them their own grocery store, stocked with the awesomeness that is good food. make them prepare the food instead of heating it up. cooking might be some of the only exercise these people get and we know they will be eating better cuz we wont stock the shelves with fucking high-fructose corn syrup.

scrapbooking is clearly for losers and is evil

what the fuck. the wiki for scrapping says that in 2004 it was a 2 BILLION dollar a year industry. 2 fucking billion dollars spent by women on making yarn frames for pictures of their fugly grandkids.

if you spend time making anything to enhance pictures, then you are are less than me while i blog. at least i am not spending money blogging.

just think of what 2billion dollars could do for society. not just the world, america, cuz you know they arent scrapbooking in jamaica.

and dont tell me its a hobby. its useless and simply an evil plan to make money off of losers.

a scrapbook is properly done by taping or glueing a photo to a piece of paper in a book.

you dont need yarn or superfluous blather, just the picture.

cooking + patience = wickedness

if you want something wicked good, especially when it comes to meat, cook it low and slow.

as you may know, slow is much better for us homo sapiens in almost every aspect of our life: sex, exercise, eating. our hurried, self-imposed lifestyle of fast food and glory holes is killing us.

if you have the nuts to cook, or if you are about to become normal, then seriously consider cooking whatever meat you want slowly, and at a low temp, say 200 or 250 max.

i just did a stew in the crock pot: chuck, pound of carrots, four potatoes, vegetable juice, onion powder, beef bouillon. crusted up the meat, then crocked it for 18 hours.

stuff tasted like gold.

same with ribs, dont fuck around with a gas grill unless it is one made for barbecueing. use charcoal even then for a better flavor. anyway, indirect heat for 5-6 hours and you can knock the meat off the rib with your tongue.

ham or other big pieces of flesh on grill indirectly or over, slow, baste it, and reap big rewards.

pop some root vegetables in at the same time, squash, sweet potatoes, rutabagas, turnips, all will benefit from low and slow.

jim gaffigan is a hotpocket-eatin-bowling-bacon-guzzling hilarious nutbag

this guy has to get his due. he is all over the place, stand-up, sitcoms, film, law & orders, but he is so fucking funny at standup and unlike me, he doesnt go blue.

the young kids love this guy, and so do i, we need more of him

eating a fish while it is still alive

the bottom half of the fish was deep fried.

baja fish tacos at long john silvers

holy moses, these things are good. 99cents. soft taco, lettuce, a plank of some sort of fried fish and baja sauce. it is simply awesome.

this could be anyone of us

padma lakshmi & natalie portman get me hot

i love this show

easy open wine bottle

just in case you get caught without a corkscrew

dont stop believing

tragically, glen beck is not dead

Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck

christopher walken does lady gaga

we are douchebags

supermodels stripping (its for a good cause)

actual picture from hubble telescope showing a shitload of galaxies

Source: Hubblesite.org

we are insignificant

are you chinese?

went to chinese restaurant with the boys. while ordering they struck up a conversation with an asian lad behind the counter playing with legos. "whats your name" "who's your favorite football team" blah blah blah.

after ordering we went next door to the dollar store to roam while the food is made.

on our way back, crack says to me "i like that chinese boy jason". "you have to be careful" i said, "he might not be chinese, you should say asian instead". there was no reply.

as i reached for my wallet, i saw crack out of the corner of my eye go behind the counter and heard "are you chinese?" "yes, well, half".

crack came from behind the counter beaming and nodded, "he's chinese...well, half chinese".

this story is not told because its cute or anything, its just the balls of children. the unknown and the quest to know knows no patience. crack went straight to the source...and it wasnt a wrong question, and from his mouth, quite an innocent one.

so when does it fuck up for us later in life? why cant we just talk like kids. we certainly act like them.

mystery google

put in search term and get search of the person who searched just before you at mystery google

wtf is this?

sexiest woman alive

fuck twilight

Video Games - E3 2009 - Attack of the Show

buying a loaf of bread

i remember in first grade, asking my mother to let me go to the store by myself. it was a grocery store, i think it was an acme, yeah, i just checked with my mom, it was an acme grocery store. now its a dollar store. it still has the same floor, probably asbestos tile. not that big, maybe 10,000 square feet, about the size of a dollar store.

thing is, i was at most 6 years old. at six years old i walked a block up the hill with a dollar in my hand, crossed the street at the corner of dudley ave. and main st., went into the acme, got two loaves of white sandwich bread (not wonder) got change, and went home with the bread. i recall each loaf costing 25 cents.

i can not fathom any six-year-old doing that now. i remember feeling pretty proud about it.

now we dont even have anything close for my kids to walk to. i barely let my 10-year-old daughter buy something at a convenience store while i am in the car.

it was an acme, then a loblaws, then a great american (all grocery stores) and now it is a dollar store.

ok then

buring up the charts

real or fake? longest basketball shot

Breaking sports news video. MLB, NFL, NBA, NHL highlights and more.

top ten halo 3 moments

meals together

clearly we are social. one of the best things i like to do is eat. next to eating would be cooking, then maybe sex. eat, cook, sex. in the olden days (homo habilis) it was hunting & gathering, and of course sex. so basically i would like us to revert back, cuz i am there already.

eating alone is boring. it is eating with others where derive so much pleasure. the talking, the sharing, the notion that i am important enough to have someone else agree to eat with me.

if you eat alone, then you suck it. you might live alone, but it doesnt mean you have to eat alone.

and better than just eating, is preparing.

diane sawyer-previously unreleased 9-11 footage

Diane Sawyer's Ground Zero Tenaciousness from ANIMALnewyork.com on Vimeo.

THE POOL PLAYERS. SEVEN AT THE GOLDEN SHOVEL.

We real cool. We

Left school. We

Lurk late. We

Strike straight. We

Sing sin. We

Thin gin. We

Jazz June. We

Die soon.

-Gwendolyn Brooks

listen to her read it here

RADIOHEAD 15 STEPS USC MARCHING BAND GRAMMYS 2009

this version is the hottest and i had to put it up. i have been playing it in my vehicles for months

kathy griffin rocks gosselin

al franken usa

steve, are you with me?

it's on with alexa chung

if you have not seen this show yet, then you need to at least see it once to evaluate it. some pretty high-fahllutinn recording artists and celebs drop by and the live music is pretty good at the end of the show.



one hour live, every day, m-th on MTV at noon. i dvr it and whizz past the mindless trash-teen shits she has to put up with.


she is a brit, and brings a very different spin on celebs and shit and listening to her language is quite refreshing

bbc news blooper

its fast, so you have to play it a couple times

jessica simpson jumps the shark...again

she looks like that little dinosaur that killed newman in jurasic park

cool lego animation

check it and kiss your baby

serious acid trip

olivia munn awesome demo

444553540000" width="480" height="418" id="VideoPlayerLg39817">

Video Game - E3 2009 - Attack of the Show

ummmmmm

matisyahu-"one day" in studio

had to link this, but it is worth it. sort of a unplugged version with some freestyle. super site with matt pinfield. www.e360live.com.

this is why it is ok to shoot deer and not eat it

realtors fucking shove it up your ass and are a blight

i am just fucking sick of seeing realtors faces. its a plague!!!! why are they taking space up on signs which could be used for information instead of their stupid headshots!!!! are realtors that vain? if you are a realtor and you have your picture on a sign, billboard, newspaper ad...what is fucking wrong with you!!! give us info about the properties you have for sale, not what you look like.

i know most realtors dont even know what secondary eduction is let alone have one, but really, if you are a realtor, its because you suck at anything else so at least pump up what you are selling instead of your stupid head.

maybe its because most realtors are single/divorced and you are trying to hook up?

i saw our local paper for the first time in a few weeks and was looking at the listing pages and at least one-third to one-half of the space was realtor heads, and in the newspaper it looks like shit anyway!!!! all that space could have been describing more of a property, or more properties. or, heaven forbid, bigger pictures of the property you do have instead of trying to decipher what a house looks like in a photo the size of a postage stamp in newsprint. some house photos were smaller than the retarded headshots.

despite whatever jackass selling seminar you went to in tampa and cheated on your spouse at telling you "you sell yourself", no! say no to this shit. break the cycle of realtors being assfucking liars and monkey-wrenches in the cogs of a transaction.

sell the property. brass tacks, not who you are. dont talk someone into a house, your job is to find what the buyer wants/likes, not convince them to take any specific house just because you have the listing.

and what the fuck are realtors doing at closings?!?!?! i can tell you: picking up the check and interjecting useless information that sometimes causes consternation because of the lack of a high school degree in common sense. a good realtor is beating the bushes for a client or for the next client, not sitting on their fat butt waiting at the end for a check.

take note you uneducated mindless fucks: soon your "job" will be gone. your national organization is already losing control of the MLS and soon as more technically savvy kids realize it, the interweb will be the place to buy.

suck on it you bastards.

david letterman pastes anna wintour

how to deal with losers, by barney frank

this is wicked fucking cool

new auto-tune the news

momofuku ssam bar- the bo ssam

allright. 7 pounds of meat. it was awesome!!!! first, its the only way to get reservations is to order the bo ssam. it takes a real long time to make and you have to give them your credit card and if you bail, they'll whack it.

its pork shoulder. when i emailed for reservations explaining the four of us and a 40th birthday the reply was that they really suggest at least 6 for the bo ssam. i replied we would eat and spend like six and we were in.

it arrives, as other customers oooooo and ahhh, on a huge plate with a bowl of rice, a bowl of butter lettuce leaves and four sauces. one sauce was kimchee, another pureed kimchee, one was green things and another was like a marinara. each one was wicked, but i enjoyed just the sweet, succulent meat.

you take the meat, plop it in the lettuce, top it with the sauce and repeat until your bloat resembles one of sally struthers kids.

i had a rootbeer.

and in the end, the head waiter informed us he was impressed we did that much damage and only four burly men had done better.

i did not need to eat for the rest of the night.

best autotune ever...michelle bachman, sarah palin, katie couric, michael jackson

saratoga

august, ah... august at the spa. you can not beat it.

there is something to be said about taking a few days off in a row and burning them in saratoga springs in august. hit the track at noon, get some seats and sit down and relax and watch the horses pound by.

usually very good weather. lots of people, lots of stuff to do. take some time off and head to saratoga, even if it is not racing, but the track makes it all the better.

at the track you can look at the swells, dressed in their finest fine, attempt to show why they are better. act drunk and veer their way and watch them scurry. look at all the people betting on the horses. look at all the families having fun while mom & dad blow the kids tuitions.

theres a nathans inside. and a sushi tent with awesome sushi. sundays you get giveaways. oger is there.

after, head to siros for some soft-shell & oysters, then cab it downtown and watch the kids line up for their favorite bar.

hit 9 maple and get some good scotch in you.

the bars close at 4, so drink until you need a doughboy and stumble back to your room.

then get up and do it again.

mancanskyjack

cool for cats

The indians send signals
From the rocks above the pass
The cowboys take positions
In the bushes and the grass
The squaw is with the corporal
She is tied against the tree
She doesnt mind the language
Its the beating she dont need
She lets loose all the horses
When the corporal is asleep
And he wakes to find the fires dead
And arrows in his hats
And davy crockett rides around
And says its cool for cats

The sweeneys doing ninety
cos theyve got the word to go
They get a gang of villains
In a shed up at heathrow
Theyre counting out the fivers
When the handcuffs lock again
In and out of wandsworth
With the numbers on their names
Its funny how their missus
Always look the bleeding same
And meanwhile at the station
Theres a couple of likely lads
Who swear like hows your father
And theyre very cool for cats
Theyre cool for cats

To change the mood a little
Ive been posing down the pub
On seeing my reflection
Im looking slightly rough
I fancy this, I fancy that
I wanna be so flash
I give a little muscle
And I spend a little cash
But all I get is bitter and a nasty little rash
And by the time Im sober
Ive forgotten what Ive had
And evrybody tells me that its cool to be a cat
Cool for cats

Shake up at the disco
And I think Ive got a pull
I ask her lots of questions
And she hangs on to the wall
I kiss her for the first time
And then I take her home
Im invited in for coffee
And I give the dog a bone
She likes to go to discos
But shes never on her own
I said Ill see you later
And I give her some old chat
But its not like that on the tv
When its cool for cats
Its cool for cats

difford/tilbrook-squeeze

listen to it here

finally found this one nutshot

this was on fox?!?!?!?!

squirrel

more of the wicked olivia munn

oliva munn kevin pereira and her boobs

samuri baseball

loser

In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey

Butane in my veins so I'm out to cut the junkie

With the plastic eyeballs, spray paint the vegetables

Dog food skulls with the beefcake pantyhose

Kill the headlights and put it in neutral
Stock car flamin' with a loser and the cruise control
Baby's in Reno with the vitamin D
Got a couple of couches asleep on the love seat
Someone keeps sayin' I'm insane to complain
About a shotgun wedding and a stain on my shirt

Don't believe everything that you breathe
You get a parking violation and a maggot on your sleeve
So shave your face with some mace in the dark
Savin' all your food stamps and burnin' down the trailer park

Yo cut it

Soy un perdedor
I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?
Double-barrel buckshot
Soy un perdedor
I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?

Forces of evil in a bozo nightmare
banned all the music with a phony gas chamber
Cos one's got a weasel and the other's got a flag
One's got on the pole shove the other in a bag
With the rerun shows and the cocaine nose job
The daytime crap of a folksinger slob
He hung himself with a guitar string
Slab of turkey neck and it's hangin' from a pigeon wing
You can't write if you can't relate
Trade the cash for the beef for the body for the hate
And my time is a piece of wax fallin' on a termite
Who's chokin' on the splinters

Soy un perdedor
I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?
Get crazy with the cheeze whiz
Soy un perdedor
I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?

Drive-by body pierce
Yo bring it on down
I'm a driver, I'm a winner
Things are gonna change, I can feel it
Soy un perdedor
I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?
I can't believe you!
Soy un perdedor
I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?
Sprechen sie deutsche, baby
Know what I'm saying?

-Beck

listen and see the video here

do not watch this while intoxicated

watch o'reilly bury himself

this thing is nine minutes long but it shows what a hypocritical lunatic bill o"reilly is. i dont give two shits about this whole argument. i think that if you let this issue effect your life by more than just thinking about either way it then you are a loser, but watching this guy implode is pretty good stuff.

funny, a bit frightening, but in end the really funny

brett michaels head shot

10 bucks the lieutenant is gay

this thing is 10 minutes long, but kinda worth it to see how fucking shit-ass scared people are of having homosexual tendencies. this thing is also real.

germans do more than cars

god i love listening to german

would you shit on this?

Watch The Toilet of Tomorrow on CollegeHumor

listen at the end for the humor

intelligent design my ass

we have one cool president

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

i guarantee you will laugh

click here

olivia munn post link

munn is the coolest.  the only way you can get through this movie preview is because kate beckinsale is in it.

Is this really a real movie? For real?

Posted using ShareThis

john lee hooker blues brothers boom boom boom

after making love we hear footsteps

For I can snore like a bullhorn

or play loud music

or sit up talking with any reasonably sober Irishman

and Fergus will only sink deeper

into his dreamless sleep, which goes by all in one flash,

but let there be that heavy breathing

or a stifled come-cry anywhere in the house

and he will wrench himself awake

and make for it on the run - as now, we lie together,

after making love, quiet, touching along the length of our bodies,

familiar touch of the long-married,

and he appears - in his baseball pajamas, it happens,

the neck opening so small he has to screw them on, which one day may make him wonder

about the mental capacity of baseball players -

and flops down between us and hugs us and snuggles himself to sleep,

his face gleaming with satisfaction at being this very child.

In the half darkness we look at each other

and smile

and touch arms across his little, startling muscled body -

this one whom habit of memory propels to the ground of his making,

sleeper only the mortal sounds can sing awake,

this blessing love gives again into our arms.

-Galway Kinnell

listen to him read it here

ok i c&p this one cuz i get all weepy and fall apart when i try to memorize it

top films/comedy

email to add to it

monty python & the holy grail
caddyshack
animal house
blazing saddles
dr. strangelove

blues brothers

this blond dancer for beyonce is wicked hot

radiohead 15 steps

How come I end up where I started
How come I end up where I went wrong
Won't take my eyes off the ball again
You reel me out when and you cut the string.

How come I end up where I started
How come I end up where I went wrong
Won't take my eyes off the ball again
You cut me in and reel the string

You used to be alright
What happened?
Did the cat get your tongue
Did your string come undone

One by one
One by one
It comes to us all
It's as soft as your pillow

You used to be alright
What happened?
Etcetera Etcetera
Fetch for whatever
Fifteen steps
Then a sheer drop

How come I end up where I started?
How can I end up where I belong?
Won't take my eyes off the ball again
You reel me out when and you cut the string

listen to it here

wait for katie couric

top films/war

email to add to it

apocalypse now
full metal jacket
paths of glory
gladiator
saving private ryan
schindler's list

if this does not make you smile then fuck you

momofuku saam bar

it was 12.23.08. my manfriend and i just took a tour of the new yankees stadium and we went down to the corner of 13th & 2nd and right on 13th, directly across from the store was a parking spot.

there are no reservations so we approached the door and a sign informed us that they were in a private party until 5. it was 4, so we fired up a couple bolivars and walked around union square for an hour.

at five, we walked in. small place. maybe 15 seats at the bar and ten tables. the party was still cooking at the back two larger tables.

we sat at the bar. about four or five hot 20-somethings roaming around. we really wanted the BoSaam and were told, after a lengthy wait, that none existed. i think they did not want to serve it to just two of us, but we easily would have eaten it.

so from the two sided 4 1/4 x 11 inch landscaped menu we ordered:

dozen beau soleil oysters(CAN) w/kimchi consomme $30

-i usually only deal with bluepoints, but this was quite tasty with the consomme

meacham country ham (sturgis, KY) $11

-southern prosciutto, exquisite, soft and salty

charred squid salad-ginger scallion, mizuna $14

-squid was so soft

spicy pork sausage & rice cakes-chinese broccoli, crispy shallots $18

-unreal, could not get enough, i wanted more, decent heat

long island duck-dijon spaetzle, brussels sprouts, 5 spoke cheddar $29

-phenomenal, a wicked mouthful of flavor

drank root beer, i forget what kind, but it was a regional one.

now, imagine eating this and listening to 5:15 by the who. it was awesome!!!!

the beatles v. lcd soundsystem v. the kinks

Watch The Beatles vs LCD Soundsystem vs The Kinks on CollegeHumor

stop carlos mencia

we got obama in, now lets get to something really important

octomom is a freak

i need to jump on this wagon. read a letter to editor in usa today yesterday where one of those whacked-out prolifers (abortion is wrong, but so are the antics of the whacked-out) wrote a letter saying people need to support her because she cared so much to bring life in the world.

the whacked-out-lady writing the letter is as fucked as octomom. she does not realize octomom has a problem, like she does not realize her own problem.

take the blinders off anyone who thinks octomom did this for any other reason than attention.

rush limbaugh

whether you like listening to him, and by listening, that is what i mean...LISTENING. this does not mean like him, agree with him hate him or like most of us think is a fathead with a small dick (which i am pretty sure he is).

to find out just what kind of a person he is and what type of rhetoric he uses, simply apply most of his statements about the new obama administration to the fucknuts that got us where we are today.

it is hilarious. i do not listen to him as a rule, but when the sports talk both go to commercial i hit one down to see how is still trying to hold on to idiots.

just listened to him the other day and he was blaming obama for what he has done and saying that he was ruining "our way of life".

huh, is that what the total fucking moron that can even raise dough for his library was doing for the past eight years and flush only jumped off the bandwagon in 08!

nice work if you can get it and man are there idiots out there letting him get it.

best plan, do not talk about flush limbaugh. i know it is hypocritical because of this post, but hopefully he will overdose soon cuz you know he is still addicted.

wicked meat loaf

basically from the feb/mar 09 cooks country mag which is awesome, i had to make a few changes

small onion, chopped wicked fine
two cloves garlic chopped wicked fine
2/3 cup of those new half town cracker half pretzel
1/3 cup milk
pound ground beef
pound ground pork
2 large eggs and one egg yolk
2 teaspoons mustard
2 teaspoons worcestershire
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
buttload of finely chopped parsley
salt & pepper


cook onions until almost carmelized over medium heat, about 5 to 10 minutes, you must hover over to make sure they dont burn. then toss garlic in and stir till you smell garlic. then take onions & garlic out of pan into a bowl.

crush crackerpretzel until really fine, mix with milk, beef, pork, eggs, mustard worcestershire, thyme, parsley, and as much salt & pepper as you think a normal person could stand.

now mash that shit up good. in the recipe they took some of the above ingredients and whizzed them in a food processor. if you are into the processor, then have at it, but i hate cleaning the thing. but the recipe pointed out the reason most meatloafs fall apart is because the meat is in too large chunks. i have to say they were quite right. when i did this, i mashed the christ out of the mixture and the texture was unreal like i never made before.

ok, now, dont use a meatloaf pan. form the loaf on a cookie sheet lined with foil, make sure the sheet has edges to catch the fat. put the sheet on the top rack in the oven and broil on high until the top is browned and i mean browned good. should be enough time to

quickly make a glaze:

1 cup ketchup
1/4 packed brown sugar, how come you look so good!
2 1/2 tablespoons cider vinegar
1/2 teaspoon hotsauce

whisk that shit up over medium heat until sugar dissolves and the stuff is a little thick.

keep track of your loaf. once browned, slide out and paint it with the glaze all over and back on top rack and brown up that glaze for about two minutes.

then, move sheet down to middle rack and paint your loaf with remaining glaze. bake at 350 until it hits 160 on your handy themometer, about 40 to 45 minutes. then pull your meat out and let it rest for at least 20 minutes.

people will freak.

paula creamer

if ever there was a reason to watch the lpga, it is paula creamer. along with many of the new faces in womens golf, paula has brought something that has been missing...a feminine touch, pink, or maybe it is basically a golfer you would drill. in any event, she is smoking hot.




the other thing is her persona. she is not stuffy, or bitchy like that webb freak from down under. she takes everything in stride, always smiling and talking with the gallery.

she can golf to boot!!! she is not the only golfer making watching the lpga easier to watch, but i think she is one of the biggest reasons.

obamarama

for those who dont like it, you can pound it.

ghetto defendant

sing it with me: da da da da duh, da da da da duh

Do the worm on the Accropolis
Slamdance the Cosmopolis
Enlighten the populace
Hungry darkness of living
Who will thirst in the pit?----Hooked in metropolis
She spent a lifetime deciding
How to run from it----addicts of metropolis
Once fate had a witness And the years seemed like friends
girlfriendsHer babies can dream
But dreams begin like the end----shot into eternity
Methadone Kitty----Iron serenity----
Ghetto defendant----It is heroin pity
Not tear gas nor baton charge
That stops you taking the city----strung out committee
Walled out of the city Clubbed down from uptown
Sprayed pest from the nest Run out to Barrio Town
the guards are itchy Forced to watch at the feast
Then sweep up the night Flipped pieces of coin
broken bottles Exchanged for birthright
grafted in a jiffy----Strung out committee----
Sitting pretty----Graphed in a jiffy
No pity, pretty The ghetto prince of gutter poets
Was bounced out of the room
Jean Arthur Rimbaud By the bodyguards of greed
For disturbing the tomb
1873 His words like flamethrowers Paris commune
Burnt the ghettos in their chests
His face was painted whiter And he was laid to rest
died in Marseille
Buried in Charlevill
Shut up Soap floods oil in water All churn in the wake
On the great ship of progress The crew can't find the brake
Klaxons are blaring The admiral snores command
Submarines boil in oceans
While the armies fight with suns

-The Clash & Allen Ginsberg

listen to it here