ENNNNJOY this jackass

jesus fucking christ if one more motherfucking waiter(ess) says "ennnJoy" to my table after delivering the food i will chuck the plate at their stupid fucking head. no, i guess what i will really do is bag on the tip with a note about their presumptuous, useless order.

just who do these delivery people think they are? you know it, you feel it. you just want to take the closest large object and bounce it off their face as they say it. who started this? who was this guy? it might have been ok the first time we heard it, but i dont need to hear it from the fucking chucky cheese assfucker i was forced to spend time with at some kids birthday party. "ennnjoy" this hockeypuck with ketchup on it that costs twenty bucks. "ennnjoy" from someone who cant take orders at the tgif or olive dirt-patch. i cant imagine hearing it from a jackass at one of those places which i would have to be forced to eat at anyway.

if you go to eat at an applebees, or any other restaurant advertised nationally, dont get offended, just learn from me. if you eat at those places, you are a fucking idiot and deserve the loser working there who is serving you. "ennnjoy" this food we boiled in a bag, dropped on a plate and brought out to you that is fucking piping-hot or cold, or varying dishes at the same table that are either.

a very quick analysis proves that if you take the money four people spend at a place where seafood is sold by a chain restaurant (i cant bring myself to say the name, it makes me feel better to waste time writing this long explanation so i can feel superior or smarter because i dont patronize the place and think anyone who does is a fucking massive loser) so if you take the money spent, say on four shrimp dinners, went down the street to a grocery store, took 25% of that money and bought shrimp, that party of four could not finish the shrimp there would be so much.

i will demonstrate for the non-believer, or loser who eats at ripoff joints before they/you try to defend it by saying shit like "they have good bread and salad"...fuck you asshole, eat shit and die.

back to the demonstration. lets say the average entree is $8.99, appetizer $5.99, drink $1.99 fuck dessert, tax about a buck or so, tip another 2, rounding out to twenty bucks. now if you went to your local, decent place to get seafood in your area, you will find that a pound of decent sized shrimp goes for about $5 bucks a pound, so each person could get a pound of shrimp for that twenty bucks. one pound of shrimp!!!! that pound of shrimp would be better for you than the shit that gets dumped out of the boiled bag your dinner came from.

so, here is my order, stop eating at the fucking chains! patronize the locally owned places, like where they make the food there instead of defrosting, boiling and unboxing onto plates and warming them. go to an italian restaurant where they have home-made pasta. order pizza from a place where they only have make pizza, not calpizzacanollis, that new entree/dessert freakshow. get a burger from the local bar that has a grill where you can watch them prepare for you, it tastes better. make your own seafood, you can enjoy four times as much, or, spend four times less.

and please, please, please, please, please inform your waiter(ress) ahead of time that if they say "ennnJoy" you will not tip them. say it humorusly, they might spit in your food.

p.s. 2.15.08 just ate at our fav ital rest. before the waitress even saw us, the seat-sitter said "ennJoy", the bread boy said it and the fucking water boy said it. three fucking times before the waitress, thank god she didn't even come close, she was awesome and we tipped heavily.

your life sucks

face it. if it didnt you would be doing something else instead of reading my somewhat lucid rantings.

you wish you didnt have to work. i know you are working, who the hell reads these things at home? and if your retired, you have too much to do besides fucking around on a gizmo you dont know how to navigate.

you also wish you were smarter and had more drive. you coulda been somebody.

well what about me? i am writing this fucking blog! my life sucks too. all our lives suck so snap out of it, stop complaining and stop pining for maryjane nextdoors somewhat frumpy ass.

all our lives suck, each minute we live we are closer to death. each minute bush is in office we get a pole shoved up our ass just a bit further and chances are good you voted for the asshole, so your life sucks more than mine cuz at least i can take satisfaction that it was plain as day to me this guy is a fucking moron.

we have some consolation in that his life sucks too! it has to. there really is no one backing him up, in fact i just heard about some town in vermont voting to put our warrants for his arrest for war crimes. thank you vermont. i will eat more syrup.

you should too.