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tgi red olive houlibees

look, this is simple, if you pay money to eat at the olive garden, red lobster, houlihans, tgif or whatever it is called, cracker barrel, or any of the assfucking chains which purport to deliver a cultural experience, then you are an asshole.

much of their food is so over-prepared and bland, but you eat it anyway. many of these places receive the food you eat in frozen bags. the kitchen is composed of massive vats of boiling water that these plastic bags are dropped in and heated up. then the mass in side is dumped on a hot plate and brought out for your useless carcass to consume.

this is not to suggest all restaurants, and even all chains suck it like you do, but you know the ones i am talking about. you can start with the ones that advertise on tv. let us take olive garden. it purports to be an italian restaurant. admit it jackass, you go there. i know because if you are reading this, you have some intelligence and make money and are lazy and go there. "oh, we just go for the wonderful soup salad and breadsticks" oh fuck you and eat a bag of shit and die.

jesus mary and fucking joseph the olive garden comes out with so many "new" italian dishes each week. rolotini, sumptuous flour rolled around a mash of vegetables. and those ads with all those people so fucking happy, laughing and making fake retarded statements people never say. while i have not ever been there, i bet when you go you never see all those people really fucking happy and passing around their plates in some orgiastic pleasure of shitty food.

patronize the local restaurant! keep your money in your community. eat fresh food, it exists in your neighborhood. if you develop a relationship with a restaurant, you will get even better food and service. how can you develop a relationship with the revolving door of personnel at one of these chains?

gloriously with this recession, people dont have the dough to allow these chains to survive. good riddance to bad rubbish.

resist corporate dominance over your life and eat local.

click here for eatlocal.net

top films

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a clockwork orange
the hunt for red october
working girl
godfather I & II

dont fuck with the star spangled banner

i turned journey up?????

i was totally freaked out the other day when, as i heard the starting notes of the next song on the van radio, i instinctively turned up the volume and started the launch sequence of grooving to a tune and was suddenly horrified to notice that it was "dont stop believing" by journey.

when this song came out, i was in undergrad. i wore leather and safety pins. new order, the who, smiths, pistols, ramones, the dead, allman brothers...leotards and long hair rock did not have a place and i railed against the genre.

in fact, when journey opened for the stones at rich stadium, i was there. it rained all day and when steve perry came out, the whole place booed. the stage was slippery and perry's feet literally came out from under him and he went flat-ass on the stage and those watching burst out in noticeable laughing throughout this massive venue.

he wiped out again and then mocking laughter turned to boos competing with the music and journey bailed after the third song. we had to wait three hours for the stones.

so....when i realized that i had turned up this, this....song, i truly was horrified. why had i done so?

the sopranos popped into my mind as it was the song which ended the series. i remember being pissed that david chase had selected this song while i watched the screen cut to black. then i started listening to the words about the small town girl and city boy and picturing tony and carmella. at this point, i started to feel goosebumpily and warm and then afraid about manopause[sic, you idiot] or something cuz this was not right.

i kept the music up and started trying to figure it out. my youth, the sopranos, simple familiarity? then i started singing "street light, peeeeeple".

next i started calling my music peeps to ask what they thought. latent homosexuality was questioned, latent affection for spandex from another. really no help but still amusing.

i still do not have this one figured out.
i still dont have any idea.

evidence of the coming armaggedon

see the original here

more reasons why we are fucked

if you dont know the what the logo is on the bottom left, watch till the end and wonder why our media does not show these ignorant fucks.

you better be ashamed if you live in ohio.

top films/classic

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to kill a mockingbird
12 angry men
some like it hot

this is why we are fucked

in pennsylvania for christs sake! look, all you fuckers that voted for bush, think about it. dont try to vindicate yourself by voting republican. look above at the assholes you are aligning yourself with.

look deep, deep in your soul and ask if you want that cuntassbitch in line for running the country you live in. if you do, then make sure you are ok with the shit happenning below you assfucker.



and to sink to their level:

what is the difference between sarah palins vagina and her mouth?

sometimes retarded things come out of her vagina

stoopid republicanz

this upcoming election is pretty simple to handicap. mccain is going to win.

you assfuckers who put bush in first, and then, with your heads further up each others ass put him in again, are clearly stupid enough to put mccain in. you feel that you need to validate your choice, or make it right. god forbid you could be wrong!!!

it amazes me that so many of you jackasses cant even admit that you were stupid. there are some of you that cant admit that the sorry, sad state of our nation is due to the current administration.

there are the enlightened. many morons i know and love who voted republican the last two elections have admitted they were duped. but the deception will not extend to punting the party.

nice guys finish last which means that you republicans will all rot in hell you fuckers cuz continuing to put asslicking republicans in control is not nice.

ok, that doesnt make much sense, and for a purpose. you need your vote to make sense. you need to stand up, admit that you are a member of society and that you feel all people should

run weasel run

after you watch this for about the third time you'll be cracking up...this kid thought his house was being robbed and look how fast he bailed.

fire lights in the sky

the only reason to live is emotion and sensation.

when my 4-year-old responds to my question about stars, he is looking up, and i can see precise reflections in his youthful retinas, and he nods surely, slowly, looking up at the darkness and says, in, not a whisper, but just above one..."there are fire lights in the sky"...i just about fell apart.

to have moments like that, everyday, is a reason to live.

tempted

I bought a toothbrush, some toothpaste
A flannel for my face
Pyjamas, a hairbrush
New shoes and a case
I said to my reflection
Lets get out of this place
Past the church and the steeple
The laundry on the hill
Billboards and the buildings
Memories of it still
Keep calling and calling
But forget it all
I know I will

Tempted by the fruit of another
Tempted but the truth is discovered
Whats been going on
Now that you have gone
Theres no other
Tempted by the fruit of another
Tempted but the truth is discovered

Im at the car park, the airport
The baggage carousel
The people keep on crowding
Im wishing I was well
I said its no occasion
Its no story I could tell

At my bedside empty pocket
A foot without a sock
Your body gets much closer
I fumble for the clock
Alarmed by the seduction
I wish that it would stop

I bought a novel, some perfume
A fortune all for you
But its not my conscience
That hates to be untrue
I asked of my reflection
Tell me what is there to do

-difford/tilbrook (squeeze jackass)

listen to it here

law & order

bong-bong

how can you deny this empire? it churns on and on. with each stir it gets better. sometimes a bitter pill is swallowed, but always shitted out.

for those attorneys that practice in ny, it is awesome. for those criminals, and/or future criminals, it is a fairly accurate portrayal of the system, albeit a truncated one. in what seems like a day or so, a normal criminal case might take the da the whole six months to indict. there is not that much rush to indictment.

while i have a fondness for the original, criminal intent is my favorite. dont really like the svu much, but i can watch the reruns of the others like columbo. where is columbo these days?

halo 3

i cant believe it has taken me this long to pound it out about halo 3.

the game simply rocks it. for me, unequivocally, the best video game out there. from many different aspects.

1st is the look. sleek, gleaming, smooth play...the coolness factor is huge. 2nd, the campaign can get really fucking hairy, especially with skulls on. if you get through legendary, then you have skills. if you get through legendary with all skulls on, you must be jedi, or not have a life, or have so much money you dont need a life. 3rd is multiplayer. clearly the best and every other video game compares itself to it. 4th is support from bungie. click on bungie.net on my links section to the right for a look at the immersion which takes place once you decide to channel your inner master chief.

steven segal

you gotta give this guy his due. it is quite likely he can kick anyones ass and while his delivery here is somewhat humorous, the content is awesome.

viola!

viola! \vwä-ˈlä\

it is a french word.

for the love of christ it is not "wallah". stop this insanity right fucking now!!! you can hear "wallah" on almost every single food network show. these idiots can cook french food but can not speak it.

try to look up "wallah" in the dictionary, you cant find it.

learn it. feel superior and mock every goddamn assfucker who says it from now on.

martinis

stop the madness

a martini is gin and a breeze of vermouth.

for the love of whatever you hold holy stop "tini"izing drinks.

i just heard about a pumpkintini. what the fuck people? just cut it out. if you dont have the balls to drink a martini, then drink the candiassshit you want but have the gumption to not try to glamorize yourself.

you can read about the martini here

you'll note from wikipedia the comment about offending martini purists. to be sure, i am not one. i drink scotch neat and when i drink gin, i drink gin on the rocks like my dad, like a man. i am just sick to death about all these tinifuck drinks. some of them dont even have gin, in fact most of them dont.

the vodka martini is ok. not because of bond, but because it is calling itself out as what it is and it has been around for a real long time.

admittedly there are not many y-chromosomes participating in the recent charade, but the younger bucks are not getting a history. i was in a bar when a gallant chap ordered a martini and the fucking bartender said "what kind". this is sad, escpecially from a purveyor.

pretty soon there will be an orangetini which will be vodka and orange juice.

wait for it.

jabberwocky

twas brillig and the slithy toves
did gyre and gimble in the wabe
all mimsy were the borogoves
and the momraths outgrabe

beware the jabberwock my son
the jaws that bite the claws that catch
beware the jubjub bird and shun
the frumious bandersnatch

he took his vorpal sword in hand
longtime the manxome foe he sought
so rested he by the tumtum tree
and stood awhile in thought

and as is uffish thought he stood
the jabberwock with eyes of flame
came whiffling through the tulgy wood
and burbled as it came

one two one two and through and through
the vorpal blade went snicker-snack
he left it dead and with its head
he went galumphing back

and hast thou slain the jabberwock
come to my arms my beamish boy
o frabjous day, callooh callay
he chortled in his joy

twas brillig and the slithy toves
did gyre and gimble in the wabe
all mimsy were the borogoves
and the momeraths outgrabe.

-lewis carroll (forgive the punctuation and spelling errors, it's from memory)

new car v. used car

i can not state it any more clearly than this: if you buy a new car, you are a sap. all you are doing is putting money in the dealers pocket and losing money on the car.

it is fairly safe to say that you lose almost 1/3 the money you paid for the car as soon as you take possession of it. i know about the wicked high end cars and yes there are the one or two models in such high demand that this does not apply to them, but for the most part, the high cost of cars gets credited to the dealerships.

if you could order your car straight from the manufacturer, it would be significantly cheaper. i guess this is always the way but with so much money being spent, why has it stayed this way?

i have had tremendous success with used cars. i have not paid more than 4k for a vehicle except for the only new vehicle i purchased...a dodge dakota the first year they came out. i forget, i think it was 18k or something.

the pickup did not sour me, except for the haggling at the purchase point. i used to think car salesmen deserved the bad rep they got until i was introduced to realtors. car salesmen are mother theresa compared to those assfucking realtors.

anyway, used cars, yeah, i said used, not pre-owned, used cars rock it. i dont care how much money you make, it does not matter. the more expensive the car, the more cars you can have and afford to own.

i would rather have several vehicles instead of one expensive one. used cars allow for this.

also, you dont care what happens to a used car.

i have a 99 caddy. it looks awesome. it cost 4k. the cpu blew, it cost $170 to fix and for the last two years, running super. if something happened to it, i can reach into my pocket and replace it quite easily. i dont care if the kids slam a door into it or puke in the back seat.

i dont care if some asshole keys me cuz i was an asshole to him.

i dont care if it needs a tranny job cuz ill just go buy a different car.

you jerkbags out there who say " i cant deal with someone elses problem" or whatever, you are just loser jerkbags

if you switch to a used vehicle, you will aid in the lowering of new car cost, which then lowers used car cost.

you should take pleasure in letting an ignorant person, be they able to afford or simply really stupid, buy a new car for you so you can own it after them for a fraction of the price.

events

wtf is with "events" now. i know ad people try to fuck over the stupid with the name changes, just like all you republicans jumped on the idiot wagon with the evil people in charge now with all their smearing of the truth utilizing ad techniques (which just goes to show that the majority of republicans are stupid fucking idiots easily swayed by words)

but why cant we revolt? dont go to anything called an event, its just a sale for any of you republicans out there who have not caught on yet.

rise up and fuck these admen in the ass with this shit. openly revolt against any seller who uses this paint job. "come to our holiday event" "now, visit us during our 3-day event" it is a fucking sale, and by sale i do not mean a reduction in prices.

oh yeah, support anyone who will bring up the the people in charge of our nation right now on war crimes and whenever you can, call for the impeachment of the fucking morons you voted for. stand up and admit it and then right your wrong.

food network

easy to watch.

food network has this formula, more or less, for every cooking program:

first thing -in less than a minute- tell & show what recipies are being made. you can stop here when you dont like the food, so dvr all the programs you want and then burn through the food you dont want to make.

it sort of does not matter who is giving you this information, unless it is that emeril fuck. jesus is he annoying, no wonder his presence has been diminished.

bobby flay rocks on that channel. i think almost eveyrone else does not rock. that pseudo italian chick is going to flame out soon thank god. paula dean is getting old, and not just old looking.

the network seems to be phasing in new people with no hoopla and seeing how it plays out.

they could save a shitload of money just narrating a cooking show. i dont need to hear about how they ate brussel sprouts as a child or burned their hand on a hot artichoke, just give me directions to the food. maybe some tips, a little history.

i guess i forgot about alton brown, his stuff rocks too.

harder better faster stronger

Work It
Make It
Do It
Makes Us
Harder
Better
Faster
Stronger
More Than
Hour
Our
Never
Ever
After
Work is
Over

Work It Harder Make It Better
Do It Faster, Makes Us stronger
More Than Ever Hour After
Our Work Is Never Over

-daft punk

listen to it here

cats

cats fucking suck. they are the most useless animals as pets. note that i state "as pets". cuz all you fucking catfuckers will talk about the killing of other animals, and to this i can not object. barn cats, outside cats these things i can deal with, it is the house cat converted to pet to which i steer my disdain.

house cats are preferred by persons who are not persons you like to hang around. people you like to hang around have dogs. cats are emotionless fucks that shit in your house and only come around when they want something. they do no good. they get fat and then you have to spend money on them.

cats dont do tricks, they complain and screech when they dont get what they want.

here is an awesome video which i cant stop laughing at whenever i see it.



i wish this upon all cats, to ram their fucking heads into walls.

as a youth, we used to take massive coiled phone-type cords and nail them to the ends of rakes and swing them at cats to tangle their legs up. we didnt do anything after that like kill em or anything, but it was much fun chasing them.

i cant get over how people put up with letting cats piss & shit in really nice and open places in their homes and then clean up the little shits with rakes and stuff.

cats need to be eliminted from pet status. any cat-pet owner who thinks that their cat likes them is fucking deluded and really stupid.

all dogs want to do is please you, all cats want is for you to please them. so, please kick the next fucking house cat you see, or at least go up to the shitball, place the top of your foot under its body between the front and back legs, and then lift up really fast, like you are passing a soccer ball, its wicked funny.

slightly useful interweb page

now and again i head to this page, it takes your phone number and gives you the alpha permutations of it

hats 1

people wearing hats these days are out of fucking control. at a really hot & humid outdoor concert i swear it was this exact chick here in this photo wearing a knit fucking hat. what a fucking retard!!! clearly she was wearing it as a fashion statement, it wasnt like she had cancer or anything, but apparently she was afflicted with not having any fashion sense.

then there is the cabbie hat, initially favored by latin-community women and now co-opted by scores of really, really fucking retarded people. how does any human being feel that this thing on their head makes them attractive?

it is not like the hats pictured below have any utilitarian use at all. the decor comes from some warped variation of a sailing hat or something. these things look really, really, really stupid on anyone.



unless the dude in the hat below has four square yards of dreadlocks crammed in the back and is token on a spliff, any person wearing the hat below must be shot. i need to know what possess people to wear this shit. cant one of you assholes who wear these goofy hats let me know why? i am begging you.



dollars to doughnuts no one responds.

you need to call these assholes on this chapeau pax.

gourmet pet food

things are clearly out of hand.

i am all for decadance, especially my own. what i am not for is decadance for pets.

i just read usa today this morning and there was a story about gourmet dog food being crafted at hotels.

then, one of the few times i have seen a commercial (dvr) i saw one for this really gross cat food. what i can remember is that it was clear the cat food cost a shit load for a fucking cat. and to hear that people will be spending significant ducats on pets needlessly is really starting to stink.

there used to be the random will or trust left to a fucking pet, but now it appears that this type of disgusting treatment is starting to mainstream. it comes from people who have no family treating animals like family.

the problem is, these animals ARE FUCKING ANIMALS. especially those fucking cats. more on those assfucking useless pieces of shit in a later blog coming to you soon.

in any event, if you are one of these people treating a fucking animal better than that human being you stepped over last week on the sidewalk, fuck you, you suck and are warped.

i do not put animals on a higher level than humans, i put those lower humans on a level below me.

update 7.8.08 over the weekend i picked up a box of popsicles for the kids and right next to them in the store freezer were boxes of icecream treats FOR DOGS!!!!!

fern hill

Now as I was young and easy under the apple boughs
About the lilting house and happy as the grass was green,
The night above the dingle starry,
Time let me hail and climb
Golden in the heydays of his eyes,
And honoured among wagons I was prince of the apple towns
And once below a time I lordly had the trees and leaves
Trail with daisies and barley
Down the rivers of the windfall light.

And as I was green and carefree, famous among the barns
About the happy yard and singing as the farm was home,
In the sun that is young once only,
Time let me play and be
Golden in the mercy of his means,
And green and golden I was huntsman and herdsman, the calves
Sang to my horn, the foxes on the hills barked clear and cold,
And the sabbath rang slowly
In the pebbles of the holy streams.

All the sun long it was running, it was lovely, the hay
Fields high as the house, the tunes from the chimneys, it was air
And playing, lovely and watery
And fire green as grass.
And nightly under the simple stars
As I rode to sleep the owls were bearing the farm away,
All the moon long I heard, blessed among stables, the nightjars
Flying with the ricks, and the horses
Flashing into the dark.

And then to awake, and the farm, like a wanderer white
With the dew, come back, the cock on his shoulder: it was all
Shining, it was Adam and maiden,
The sky gathered again
And the sun grew round that very day.
So it must have been after the birth of the simple light
In the first, spinning place, the spellbound horses walking warm
Out of the whinnying green stable
On to the fields of praise.

And honoured among foxes and pheasants by the gay house
Under the new made clouds and happy as the heart was long,
In the sun born over and over,
I ran my heedless ways,
My wishes raced through the house high hay
And nothing I cared, at my sky blue trades, that time allows
In all his tuneful turning so few and such morning songs
Before the children green and golden
Follow him out of grace.

Nothing I cared, in the lamb white days, that time would take me
Up to the swallow thronged loft by the shadow of my hand,
In the moon that is always rising,
Nor that riding to sleep
I should hear him fly with the high fields
And wake to the farm forever fled from the childless land.
Oh as I was young and easy in the mercy of his means,
Time held me green and dying
Though I sang in my chains like the sea.


-dylan thomas

goya

the food brand jackass.

if you go by this aisle, then you are missing a bunch.

to start, their prices are the lowest and it is good stuff.

the canned goods prices kick ass and are of the same quality. it is not imported stuff, the company was founded by spainards and operates out of new jersey.

almost every time i go to the store i stop and pick out something i never tried before.

the marinade, i think it is simply called mojo is wicked. a massive wine-bottle of it for 2 bucks. it make steak mouthwatering.

sure there is cuttlefish in little tins and shit i would not normally eat, but that stuff gets outweighed by what you would eat if you just stopped by and tried something other than riceafuckingroni.

finger pointers

if you attend concerts, you are familiar with this brand of youth. in short, they point their fingers in the air to the beat.

some of them will fist pound the air, some will do other things, all thrust the arm in the air in a rhythmic manner. when you get them close together, it becomes a sea of finger pointers, sort of cool, UNLESS THEY ARE BLOCKING YOUR FUCKING VIEW OF THE ARTISTS YOU HAVE PAID TO SEE ONSTAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!

i dont have a problem with the occasional finger point, but these assholes who seem to be feeling that somehow they are a part of the performance are the ones which begin the annoyance.

most finger pointers are singing lyrics and feel that the finger point, in some way, instructs the artist who wrote the music and lyrics and is now singing them, that these lyrics and the music are correct and the finger pointer is attempting to communicate with the artist and the crowd to say "yes, you have written music and lyrics, and you are now performing them in a correct manner with which i agree".

time and again you will see the hefty, drunk guy incessantly salute every half-beat for about three songs before he realizes that his arm has fallen off. truly, the best friend of an offended-non-finger-pointer is time. in time, all finger pointers get tired, so at least by the end of the concert, and even for encores, the fingerpointers are done.

there are variations on the finger point. most common is the index finger and pinky pointed up in the air with the middle finger and ring finger tucked into the palm. the thumb is a variable here....tucked in to the palm you get the "hook-em-horns" thing and straight out you get the sign language formation of "i love you". either one is equally retarded in the setting. next is the fist, then peace sign, which brings us to............

the uber finger pointer. always a female. most frequently a chubby one and not really all that attractive. this person will rely most on the finger point, but will contort the hand(s) in may different shapes in some sort of hindu/yoga/"i am a complete retard who has hand motions which only i can understand" way.

this person is clearly an egotistic fuck who screams for attention. getting two hands and arms into the act as well and goofy body movements which may be some sort of adaption of a walrus mating ritual they saw on the nature channel. if you are behind this person and close, it will ruin the concert. i suggest halls eucylptus lozenges. suck em for a while and toss it into her hair. after trying to get the third one out she will move.

why these assfuckers drive me to blog about them is confounding to me. you cant just say "dont look at her" because she is right in front of you and you have to look past her to see the performers. if she is just to the right or left, the arms and hands rolling around in the air cant be ignored. of course they do this with their eyes closed because of the intense hate every other eye has for the bitch she does not want to see.

at the last concert, the whores boyfriend would not sit with her because of her gyrations. good for you buddy, put a bag on her head too!

you need to say something to these fucks. tell them they are bothering you. go get an usher and ask them to tell her to stop it. your neighbors will join in and hopefully she will go away, not just stop, but go away. have the usher check her ticket stub. most of these assholes can't afford good seats so she probably is scamming the seat anyway and you are doing everyone a favor. you will get cudos from your neighbors, i assure a spliff will pass your way.

finally, urge venues to have "finger pointing sections only". this will force all finger pointers to suffer what normal people do. they will see how retarded it is and complain. it also will allow free viewing cuz as soon as some jackass finger points in a non-finger pointing section, you can get them bounced.

stand up for your right to enjoy a concert without an asshole ruining it for you and the rest of us.

beautiful world

Its a beautiful world we live in
A sweet romantic place
Beautiful people everywhere
The way they show they care
Makes me want to say

Its a beautiful world
Its a beautiful world
Its a beautiful world
For you, for you, for you

Its a wonderful time to be here
Its nice to be alive
Wonderful people everywhere
The way they comb their hair
Makes me want to say

Its a wonderful place
Its a wonderful place
Its a wonderful place
For you, for you, for you

Hey tell me what I see
Boy and girl with the new clothes on
You can shake it to me all night long hey hey

Its a beautiful world we live in
A sweet romantic place
Beautiful people everywhere
The way they show they care
Makes me want to say

Its a beautiful world
Its a beautiful world
Its a beautiful world
For you, for you, for you

-mark mothersbaugh & gerry v. casale(devo jackass)

listen to it here

watch the video on you tube here

hdtv

if you do not have an hdtv by now, you are a loser. (more on losers in an earlier post)
do not save your money for later, use it now to watch programs in high-definition. and sack the cable you have, satellite is far better. you may be surprised to know that you already can receive hd signals over the air. in fact, those signals are far superior to cable, and better than satellite.

get more than one hdtv. spend your money, dont wait, you might die. enjoy what technological advances we have. these sets are getting pretty cheap too. for gods sake, with the price of gas, if you dont fill up ten times, you can buy a decent 46 incher. dont worry about what format, just get the biggest screen for the least amount of money.

if you are not sending money to help starving children in africa, then spend the shit on yourself. if you dont, then you are one cheapassmotherfucker.

you'll thank me later.

NEW FATBOY SLIM WITH DAVID BYRNE

THIS VIDEO IS FUCKING HILARIOUS



AND THE SONG IS AWESOME

i am voting republican

i finally am doing it, this persuasive video is the reason why:



Spread the word!

stupid people

chances are you are not stupid. i do not make this statement because you are reading this blog, but because you are on a computer, reading.

it is a blessing(not a religious blessing, an unassociated-god one) to be smart. it is also, somewhat of a pain in the intellectual ass. stupid people dont really know they are stupid, so many things they should be concerned about they are too stupid to be concerned.

it's sort of like being retarded. you dont have the worries of the world, your worry is immediate...where do i pee, when do i eat next, i hope the yankess win. most retarded folk are blissfully ignorant about the deficit, global warming and your cheating spouse. we give them a pass on this because they, for the most part, dont have regular consensual sex like you and me, or at least like me.

stupid people on the other hand have the drive to have sex. it is the stupid people who get caught cheating on their spouses. their stupidity is not in getting caught, but in not being faithful and addressing the marriage.

the stupid people are responsible for abortion. i aint no holy roller, but really, abortion is only the result of stupidness. on both parties part. clearly if sex was had without contraception, then fuck you, you are stupid if you get pregnant or get some female pregnant.

stupid people work the jobs you dont want to do. if they were not stupid, they would have better jobs. the world needs ditch diggers too.

many times each day, i catch myself thinking i am so happy i am edumacated. i always am assessing my kids to see if they are stupid, but it is hard to tell sometimes, but i think they are ok.

anyway, chances are you are not stupid

this must be the place (naive melody)

Home is where I want to be
Pick me up and turn me round
I feel numb - born with a weak heart
I guess I must be having fun
The less we say about it the better
Make it up as we go along
Feet on the ground
Head in the sky
It's ok I know nothing's wrong . . nothing

Hi yo I got plenty of time
Hi yo you got light in your eyes
And you're standing here beside me
I love the passing of time
Never for money
Always for love
Cover up and say goodnight . . . say goodnight

Home - is where I want to be
But I guess I'm already there
I come home - she lifted up her wings
Guess that this must be the place
I can't tell one from another
Did I find you, or you find me?
There was a time Before we were born
If someone asks, this is where I'll be . . . where I'll be

Hi yo We drift in and out
Hi yo sing into my mouth
Out of all those kinds of people
You got a face with a view
I'm just an animal looking for a home
Share the same space for a minute or two
And you love me till my heart stops
Love me till I'm dead
Eyes that light up, eyes look through you
Cover up the blank spots
Hit me on the head Ah ooh

written by: Chris Frantz, David Byrne, Jerry Harrison, Tina Weymouth (Talking Heads jackass)

listen to it here

who cares who is president

just as long as the fucking moron that you voted for is gone. unless obackarama has a spitzer-type meltdown, he is going to be next president, but say the old dude pulls an upset. it can not be worse than this jackass.

you cant blame the codger for trying to sap out what he can from the worst president to ever hold office, i mean there still is a small number of people who actually believe he has done well. might as well snap up those that are completely fucked in the head, a vote is a vote.

it might not really be an upset if this geriatric fellow wins. all you clueless fucks who voted for killing tens of thousands of people over the past 8 years might feel that you were fooled, but not this time and thats because you fucked up so bad, maybe you will try to make your party right again by putting in the oldest dude ever!!! i would not put it past any single one of you total fucking morons that validated our failing economy and standing in the world community. you fell right into rove's plan. you are a lemming afraid of death. so why follow the constitution? who needs our rights of privacy? surely not a law abiding citizen like yourself who has their head up their ass and voted for a TOTAL FUCKING MORON WHO CAN NOT EVEN SPEAK OUR LANGUAGE PROPERLY twice!!!

hey, you only have yourself to blame. you voted for this group of people who could care less about human life. you are to blame for this crisis, not me, i was calling him a total fucking moron before he got the nomination the first time. i would have lost money cuz i did not think that buttfuck could win, but you proved me wrong republicans, you proved me wrong.

republicans truly are stupid, stupid fucks, and will not learn because they are so fucking stupid. rove knows this, now you have read it, but you wont believe it, so if you voted for bush twice, fuck you asshole and i hope you die.

2 weeks vacation

a couple years ago i heard a story on npr about vacation stuff in the u.s. versus the rest of the world that works for living.

if you are well-read, then you know how much vacation time the europeans get and this story was about how we americans dont take as much time in one block as the rest of the world. it seems to me that i used to, and i see that my friends and family tend to jam vacations full with as much, or more, stress as work.

gary slydecker and his family are fucking sharks on vacation. wake up, go to the zoo, then the childrens museum, then back to a science pavillion, hump to local cultural hotspot, meeting the mayor and making a pilgramage to some historical landmark all before noon.

we used to go down to florida for a week. leave friday, drive straight through, get there saturday, need saturday & sunday to sort of recoup from the drive. before you think your brilliant, flying would have the same stress, but with more expense.

so then the vacation starts. on the beach hanging out, oh, but then what about disney? gotta trek to orlando for a day and a half, waste a shitload of dough on supreme evil, then back to the condo for a day of relaxation before we have to start packing up and going back home.

it fucking sucked.

now, we leave on thursday, drive straight through, get there friday, recoup, hang out maybe think about doing something in orlando, but now have 14 days to get it over with. we got fucked by the evil kingdom so we do other places less evil like seaworld & universal.

all the fucking time in the world. for two days, i never left the condo, got up, made brekky brekky brek for a shit load of family, played some halo & mass effect, went out with the kids on the beach for a couple hours, in for lunch and more xbox, then out to the pool for few hours of floating, then in for dinner, tv, xbox then sex. repeat for the next day (minus the sex. even thought the ocean does wonder for your sex life, two nights in a row is simply two much to expect)

with the vacations coming up, please, take at least two weeks. you are not needed at your job. if you run your own business, close it for two weeks, you wont go broke and you wont lose your customers, they will only want you more, and they will envy you that you had the balls to do it.

holiday in cambodia

So you been to school for a year or two
And you know you’ve seen it all
In daddy’s car thinkin’ you’ll go far
Back East your type don’t crawl
Play ethnicky jazz to parade your snazz
On your five grand stereo
Braggin’ that you know how the niggers feel cold
And the slums got so much soul
It’s time to taste what you most fear
Right Guard will not help you here
Brace yourself, my dear
It’s a holiday in Cambodia
It’s tough kid, but it’s life
It’s a holiday in Cambodia
Don’t forget to pack a wife
You’re a star-belly sneech you suck like a leech
You want everyone to act like you
Kiss ass while you bitch so you can get rich
But your boss gets richer off you
Well you’ll work harder with a gun in your back
For a bowl of rice a day
Slave for soldiers ‘til you starve
then your head is skewered on a stake
Now you can go where people are one
Now you can go where they get things done
What you need, my son…
Is a holiday in Cambodia
Where people dress in black
A holiday in Cambodia
Where you’ll kiss ass or crack
Pol Pot, Pol Pot, Pol Pot, Pol Pot, etc.
And it’s a holiday in Cambodia
Where you’ll do what you’re told
A holiday in Cambodia
Where the slum’s got so much soul

dead kennedys-listen to it here

grand theft auto iv

something weird happened.

yesterday, i was driving back to the office and noticed i was weaving in and out of traffic. i started chuckling to myself and THEN i saw i was going 90mph.

i am not joking.

everything was pretty smooth though, just weaving in and out of some fairly heavy traffic at 90. i was not in a hurry. didnt have to pee. who the fuck wants to go back to the office?

it was my daily playing gta iv. all you do is drive around fast and try not to get in an accident.

what this means is i am going to vet my kids on gta iv before they get behind the wheel. if they can make it from southern new aldernay to northern bohan without an accident or running a redlight, then i will take them for a learners permit.

thank you rockstar for creating this game which will teach safety to all new drivers.

singers that want you to clap

the easiest way to ferret out asshole singers is to see if they make these asides during singing like "cmon" and clap above their heads.

maybe they do something like "lets hear some noise" and make clapping motions.

now, why do they do this? because you are not a drone idiot jackass and are not clapping? is this fucking singers ego is not inflated enough and wants people to react to its patheticness?

you dont see the big stars doing this. now dont go trying to make me wrong. when i say "the big stars" i am not referring to the shitty fucking processed meat your kids listen to sung by marginally attractively made up little people who are destined for suicide when in just a few years their candle is properly drowned.

"big stars" means those artists that write and evenplay their own stuff, that have been around for years, that dont lip synch, that actually have musical talent and ability. they have made it, and dont need to do anything to get you to clap because you probably already are, or it comes naturally.

these losers who storm the stage, jumping, trying to artificially infuse emotion into their "new" song they just hijacked from an old catalog, dont have anything that is natural except being a loser inside.

so, dont. make sure you dont clap. teach your children well, teach them to not take direction from some alcholic, drug-infused hack they listen to. do not join the masses. pretend you have a real mess-o-education and can stand and clap when you feel it is prudent and earned.

time with kids

if you are a parent of children age 12 and younger, then stop reading this and go do something with them, unless of course, they are asleep.

i have made a point to not work as hard and to spend time with my children and it is awesome! sure, i could be making more money, but money aint worth what i get.

i further have decided to keep it going as long as they will let me. this does not mean the cheap and lazy attendance at ball games and shuttling to lessons of some sort. i aim to make the time worth it.

like i am teaching one to watercolor, one the guitar, keep reading to the youngest, and the oldest i am still trying to figure out how to get some one-on-one time with.

screw making money, that is time away for things that will keep us further apart. how wonderful it must have been in the early stages of man, just waking up with the family, checking to see if there is enough food for the day, if not, taking the boys and hunting for food.

that would be sweet.

stopping by the woods on a snowy evening

whose woods these are i think i know
his house is in the village though
he will not see me stopping here
to watch his woods fill up with snow

my little horse must think it queer
to stop without a farmhouse near
between the woods and frozen lake
the darkest evening of the year

he gives his harness bells a shake
to ask if there is some mistake
the only other sounds the sweep
easy wind and downy flake

the woods are lovely, dark and deep
but i have promises to keep
and miles to go before i sleep
and miles to go before i sleep

-robert frost

its a small world

can we do away with this saying? please? its almost like there is a rush to be the first one to say it. ok, i get it, you met someone on the earth you knew or knows kevin bacon.

i dont get it anyway. we do live in a world which is only a speck in the big picture, so it is not big. jupiter is fucking big, the earth is small.

with jet travel, and more money, getting anywhere on the earth is really fucking easy right now, so it is not incomprehensible that your cousin would see you in hong kong tagging little girls in the same brothel.

kate beckinsale

this chick has got to be the hottest actress out there right now. clearly, she is one of the hottest.

sunset (bird of prey)

Bird of prey,
Bird of prey,
Flying high,
Flying high.
In the summer sky,
Flying high.
Gently passing by,
Flying high.
Take me on your flight.
Flying high.

-fatboy slim

listen to it here

sunday mass (or put in whatever ritual you want)

it is quite simple. how do you, a person so afraid of dying that you believe so easily in a supreme being, justify going to mass? or if it is another religion you believe in, how do you justify bowing 5 times a day or chopping off portions of sexual organs? you get the point.

in all major tonics for the masses, there seems to be a unifying trait in love and treating each other with respect, and an afterlife of some sort...and ritual.

lets toss out that afterlife shit for right now. keep the love shit. we are left with ritual.

where do these rituals come from? they come from man. men, not women, men. some old dudes in your respective religion made these rituals up a long fucking time ago. like before you had any ancestors. back further than the mormons can trace. and these wicked old rituals you are following today.

since i am most familiar with the teachings of "jesus" i will use him:

do you think, if jesus was alive today, and he dropped in on a saturday, got drunk on some wine, toked the weed a little and then hit the hay, do you think that on sunday, when you said "jesus (not talking to him, but the exclamation) we are late for mass", and you bolted around the house and woke jesus (him) up and said "lets go christ" would he go? no fucking way. he would roll over and say "meet you there", which of course he would cuz he can just warp over there after he could sleep for another 15 minutes.

and when you all sat down, the music started playing the dirge like march that is the soundtrack to all white religion, then you stood up, then sat down, then stood up, then sat down then stood up, then sat down, then kneeled then stood up, then kneeled, then stood up and processed, then kneeled down, then sat, then stood up and left, dont you think he would say "what the fuck are you people doing"?

christ would be pretty pissed that you were doing all this to him and his father. christ would say "get the fuck out of here and love one another". "dont waste your time chanting and doing really pitiful aerobic exercise in my name". "if you want to get together, then have some fun, accomplish something, but dont worship me".

the son of god would be pretty embarrassed this all was done for him and his dad. wouldnt you be embarassed? really, wouldnt you? would you allow it to go on. if you woke up one day and people were chanting, singing in dirge-like fashion, trying to figure out how to sit in those fucking benches, and giving money to an organization that supports the molestation of children in your name(see image above), would you let it go on?

no, you wouldnt.

depravity

zuti said "no matter what type of depravity you hear a human being has perpetrated, something worse will come along". absolutely mutherfucking goddamned right.

the deep feeling of satisfaction that comes with looking at my children as they sleep is the negative equivalent with the deep feeling of disgust that comes with hearing the latest depravity.

lets not talk of the incomprehensibility of the millions of total fucking morons that voted for bush the first time, and then you same assfucking stupid fucking idiots that did it again, while you and bush and his evil assfucking buttlickers are truly fitting the definition of depravity :

noun
1. moral perversion; impairment of virtue and moral principles; "the luxury and corruption among the upper classes"; "moral degeneracy followed intellectual degeneration"; "its brothels, its opium parlors, its depravity"; "Rome had fallen into moral putrefaction" [syn: corruption]
2. a corrupt or depraved or degenerate act or practice; "the various turpitudes of modern society"

your vote, your horrible selfish decision, your fear, pales in comparison to some of the things happening in our world.

things that you turn the tv off for because you dont want to here it anymore. things like infanticide, war, torture and terminal illness. lately, and i am sure you do not read the times(you voted for bush you fucking moron), or any responsible news outlet, so you have no ability to comprehend what is happening with the corporate greed you supported the past 7 years beyond a sound bite while you pull your polo shirt over yout head on your way to dinner out.

the latest depraved statements i have been hearing from you assholes that voted for the worst president in our history is this exclamation "and i voted for him"...like you somehow were fooled.

you were not fooled, you are depraved.

canvas grocery bags

this is an easy what the fuck?

unless you are a wicked old lady who buys those small cans of corn and one potato at a time, the canvas bags the supermarkets are pushing are the most ludicrous waste of money ever.

when i go the grocery store, i spend over a hundred bucks. those canvas bags can maybe hold a roast. if they are such a money saver, why dont the stores let us use them instead of the plastic shit they give us now?

they could rent them in a way. for christ sake every store has its own card that keeps track of how many enemas and condoms you purchase, so let them track the canvas bags. if you dont bring them back, then charge us.

in any event, make those fuckers bigger, or have a couple sizes. i buy alot of food, i dont need a shit load of canvas bags with one item in it.

music makes life better

true faith

I feel so extraordinary
Something's got a hold on me
I get this feeling I'm in motion
A sudden sense of liberty

I don't care 'cos I'm not there
And I don't care if I'm here tomorrow
Again and again I've taken too much
Of the thing that costs you too much

I used to think that the day would never come
I'd see the light in the shade of the morning sun
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near
To the childhood I lost replaced by fear
I used to think that the day would never come
That my life would depend on the morning sun

When I was a very small boy
Very small boys talked to me
Now that we've grown up together
They're afraid of what they see

That's the price that we all pay
Value destiny comes to nothing
I can't tell you where we're going
I guess there's just no way of knowing

I used to think that the day would never come
I'd see the light in the shade of the morning sun
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near
To the childhood I lost replaced by fear
I used to think that the day would never come
That my life would depend on the morning sun

I feel so extraordinary
Something's got a hold on me
I get this feeling I'm in motion
A sudden sense of liberty

The chances are we've gone too far
You took my time and you took my money
Now I feel you've left me standing
In a world that's so demanding

I used to think that the day would never come
I'd see the light in the shade of the morning sun
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near
To the childhood I lost replaced by fear
I used to think that the day would never come
That my life would depend on the morning sun

words and music by Stephen Morris, Peter Hook, Bernard Sumner, Gillian Gilbert and Stephen Hague(new order, jackass) to listen to it click here

visors

visors are for losers, especially if you have a y chromosome. just wear the fucking hat people.

i can see the use of visors for women who have the long hair, but even then you can funnel it through the hole made for the adjustable strap.

if you want to look retarded, then surely, go ahead and wear one. it will assure you a loss in whatever you are doing.

phil mickleson was a loser until he graduated to a cap. he kept on wearing the visor, looking like a retard, and kept losing. you can bank on any golfer losing the match if he wears a visor. this does not work for women golfers. one thing that does though, women golfers who wear visors are not attractive.

then you have the cadre of, i guess, west coast blonde dudes wearing visors. they look like fucking retards. i mean they really look like they have suffered a mental injury, or were born with a genetic mental problem.

visors suck no matter what, they are for losers. wear a fucking hat jackasses.

mexican food

it is the food of gods. if you dont like it, you have not eaten the real thing. you probably think chi chi's is mexican and that a taco is one from taco bell. im talking about the stuff that looks like this picture on the right.

mexican food is perhaps the easiest to make. some of it time consuming, but very easy. i have made tortillas from ground masa. dont go that far, i was an idiot. like not wasting your time making a pie crust, just buy your tortillas. for christs sake you can get them at gas stations now.

i can eat mexican food, three or four times a day, seven days in a row. it never gets old.


carnitas, tacos de carne asada, el sinolense, any day, every day.

girls in sports

i read this story in the usa today yesterday about a girls playoff softball game somewhere.

in a nutshell, a player jacked in the bottom of extra innings, then severely injured her leg negotiating the bases.

rules dictate that she touch home plate, without the assistance of her team mates. she attempted to crawl, but could not.

the opposing team confabbed with the umps, then picked up slugger and rounded the bases, allowing her to touch homeplate and complete the victory.

now, i aint no crybaby, but forwhatever reason, i almost was. i didnt wicked tear up, but my eyes welled up a tad. that shit is awesome. i dont think any mens team would do that, or at least many mens teams. i dont think i would have even thought of it, i would have laughed, like i did when i started reading the story. not a massive funny laugh, but the ha-ha kid from the simpsons.

here, the team that lost via a dinger, participated in making sure they lost. that is sportmanship. or i guess, sportwomanship.

link to espn video story here

DVR's

if you watch tv, then you must get a dvr. it is imperative that you stop what you are doing right now, and get up and obtain one of these fabulous devices.

gosh and by golly, we have had one for at least three years now, and i aint talking about that tivo shit!!!! tivo is evil, and expensive. get one from your cable company, or like us, direct tv, you can even buy your own now.

anyway, i watch more tv than i ever have in my life! this may sound bad, but i assure you, it is not.

with the dvr, you get to speed past, and i mean SPEED past commercials, opening & closing credits, dead space and other shit you dont want to watch. it is especially handy for food network.

but what really rocks is that you can record things you maybe would watch and keep them for a rainy day. also, it is wonderful for sports. while i watch more tv than ever, i spend less time in front of the tv.

it is particularly valuable late night, when tv really sucks it. now, even more valuable is the Video On Demand feature which allows you to download almost any fucking thing that has been on tv and watch it at your leisure.

during the really weird time that you are watching the tv live, the rewind function rocks for that line you missed while your bedmate farted and you had to deal with the odor problem, just hit one button and it will jump back like 30 seconds each time. then you can catch up during one of those bastard commercials.

the cost from your tv provider is about 5 bucks a month, way cheaper and less invasive than those tivo fuckers. you may not know, but tivo requires that you hook up an internet or phone cord to your box. and the price is ridonkulous.

i guess soon i will buy my own to see what that is like, in any event, if you dont like commercials, get a dvr.

two step

Say, my love, I came to you with best intentions
You laid down and gave to me just what I'm seeking
Love, you drive me to distraction

Hey my love do you believe that we might last a thousand years
Or more if not for this,
our flesh and blood
It ties you and me right up
Tie me down

Celebrate we will
Because life is short but sweet for certain
We're climbing two by two
To be sure these days continue
These things we cannot change

Hey, my love, you came to me like wine comes to this mouth
Grown tired of water all the time
You quench my heart and you quench my mind

Celebrate we will
Because life is short but
Sweet for certain
We're climbing two by two
To be sure these days continue
The things we cannot
Celebrate, you and me, climbing two by two, to be sure
these days continue, things we cannot change

Oh, my love I came to you
with best intentions
You laid down and gave to me
Just what I'm seeking

Celebrate we will
Because life is short
But sweet for certain
We're climbing two by two
To be sure these days continue
Things we cannot change...
Things we cannot change

-dave matthews band


listen to it here

handicapped parking

clearly it is out of control. i have started parking in these spaces. mainly because of who i saw utilizing them.

this one guy, about 60, parked in the space, got out, and walked past 7 (seven)...fucking seven other spaces which were closer to the store he was going to!!!!! what the fuck is that?!?!?!?! he did not seem to have any handicap, he walked briskly to from his car to the store. he could have parked right next to the store, but opted to park in the handicap space, which was farther from the store. i stayed to watch to see if he was going anywhere else, but no, he had a bag of shit and walked back to his car.

the next whore was about 45 or so, pulled up next to my car in a large SUV into the handicap spot at wendys. she RAN out of the vehicle and into the restaurant, where she proceeded to get in line, get her food, sit down and eat it. all the while i was looking at her, and she subsequently started looking at me, in a nervous like manner. i wanted to let the air out of her tires, but feared security cameras.

most recently, was a sub-class of humans i recently blogged about, yep, a realtor. this fucking fat-assed skank, with her hair done(why fat ugly people get their hair done is a mystery to me) and a blazing realtor paint job on her car pulled up to a tj maxx. she cruised around looking for a spot, passing the handicap ones. not finding a spot, she then opted for one of the 8 open spots for handicapped.

i now join the above assholes. handicapped parking is a fucking joke. maybe if it was regulated more, but fuck off people, if it is open, im taking it.

being sick

being sick sucks it. like you dont know that. i have a tremendous command of the obvious. i guess sometimes being sick doesnt suck it totally, like when its just a stuffed nose or something, but i have been coughing so hard that i have been able to stop coughing because the pain that ensues when i start the peristaltic reaction of my belly fat.

also, i cant get a boner. you know you are sick when you cant even get a boner. not even the early morning wood or a piss rod. nothing. there were times i couldnt even find my stub. i was that sick. my neck hurt from laying down and watching tv.

i am sick of tv. there is nothing on, thank god for the dvr. always keep a shitload of recordings saved so you can watch them when sick or otherwise laid up, cuz generally, tv sucks it too.

mucus stickier than gorilla glue. i have started to feel a little claustrophobic because i cant breathe through the nostrils and when i think about having my mouth covered, i can sense the panic of not being able to breathe.

that happens now at the dentist when a couple of drops of novocaine hit my throat. the throat numbs up and if i have a stuffed nose, and mr. dentist has his fingers in my throat with all that metal and shit, i might not be able to breathe and then i would die so i get a small panic attack which results in the dentist and his assistant standing around saying nice things to me while probably thinking about what a fuckup this guy is.

i cant live not being able to breathe. (i said i have a tremendous command of the obvious)

attack of the show-g4tv

clearly, this is one of the best shows being carried by cable & satellite. the content is most attractive for modern men, although the ads are a tiny bit long, thank vaal for the dvr.

it will not be long before the two lead characters move on to better paying gigs. kevin pereira & oliva munn are wicked. let me proclaim that they have THE MOST ENTERTAINING OPENING SEGMENT IN TELEVISION PROGRAMMING HISTORY. A-T-N, A-T-N, A-T-N(repeat).

clearly the script consultants have it together and the "around the net segment" can not fail. with these two in charge, even my wife is in on the act.

biggest drawback is while this show is about cutting edge technology, it is not in HD?!?!?!? kevin & olivia are distorted, squinched freaks on my 50 incher(my plasma, not my dick). what is the deal g4? for christ sakes if the food network can do it, so can you. if i have to watch that pony-ass 30-minute meal chick in hd, then give me olivia in hd.

anyhow, couple the opening segment with all the techno news, comic news, interview segments (loop, not the pre-arranged PR sitdowns) and specials like the recent 4.20 one, which rocked and if you have a dvr, are male and do not record this for viewing at a later date, then you are not a male.

the road not taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

-robert frost
listen to him read it here

realtors part one

why the fuck do realtors feel the need to plaster the earth with their picture? do they think "if i make my head as big as a whale on this billboard, when i am pushing down a doublecheesburger at the local bar, those there will recognize me and will utilize my services"?

no, because realtors egos are actually that large. they think their shit does not smell. they act like your friend, but they are not. they only care about the commission.

why do we need to see their heads!!!!!!! they are not attractive, if they were they would not be realtors. they are not important because websites and front-lawn signs are popping up everywhere for the "for sale by owner" crowd. clearly realtors are not bright because they put their ugly mugs on fucking billboards and signs thinking...i really dont know what they are thinking, that is the point of this blog today.

fuck the multiple listing service, do it yourself and save the 6%.

these washouts from every other job are desparate and vain. i would say greedy, but it think the combination of vainity & desparateness mixes together to trump any greed. i think that once these fuckbags graduate from slimeball realtor to owner and have other greaseballs under them contributing to the legal pyramid scheme, then it is greed. but it is then that they no longer advertise the size of their melons.

i beg you, every time you see a realtor in person, say to him or her "wow, your picture makes your head look so much bigger than it really is. you really have like a sort of pinhead. did you graduate from college? two year degree then? well, at least you finished high school, oh, i'm sorry, well there is always the GED program and you can get some respect. even drug addicts, once caught, take the GED while in jail and get one up on you. you should probably stop being an asshole and start doing drugs, get caught and go to jail so you can get your GED".

yeah, say that.

ashlee simpson

it is time to let this poor, poor human being alone.

please, for the love of god, do not have any interest in this husk which appears to be alive.

there exists no talent whatsoever. in my opinion, even after the surgery, she is not attractive. she does not even have the attractiveness of youth!

i just heard her singing the lastest thing which she did not write. my god, how she really has no voice. it was obvious she has no ear as well. it was pitiful.

along with all the reports of her father and his involvement in his offspring and their lives shows that we must not participate in the creepiness anymore.

you cant fault her, it is not like that other trainwreck we need to ignore (and i am not talking about her idiot sister).

the only reason she is getting attention is because someone is pumping out press releases about the shit music she has garbled. she is not interesting, talented or attractive. stop participating in her father's greed.

bigmouth strikes again

Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking
When I said I'd like to
smash every tooth In your head

Oh ... sweetness, sweetness, I was only joking
When I said by rights you
should be Bludgeoned in your bed

And now I know how Joan of Arc felt
Now I know how Joan of Arc felt
As the flames rose to her roman nose And her Walkman started to melt
Ooooo ...

Bigmouth, la da da dah dah da bigmouth, la da da dah
Bigmouth strikes again
And I've got no right to take my place With the Human race

Oh, bigmouth, la da da dah, dah da ... bigmouth, la da dah
Bigmouth strikes again
And I've got no right to take my place with the Human race

And now I know how Joan of Arc felt
Now I know how Joan of Arc felt
As the flames rose to her roman nose And her hearing aid started to melt

Oh, bigmouth, la da da dah dah da... bigmouth, la da da da
Bigmouth strikes again
And I've got no right to take my place with the Human race(repeat until satisfied)

Lyrics by Stephen Morrissey, Music by Johnny Marr-(the smiths, jackass)
listen to it right now by clicking here

meatballs

bread crumbs.

you need bread crumbs, then put more bread crumbs in and follow it up with more bread crumbs. if you make your own bread crumbs, then you will have better meatballs, but store bought bread crumbs will make good meatballs. use some rye bread & pumpernickle as well for wicked meatballs that people will tell you they are the best you ever made.

so, mix up the meat, mix of chicken, pork, beef, whatever pop in three eggs, some romano or parmesean, maybe some parsley, mix with your hands, roll into testicle-sized orbs and bake or fry. better to bake at a real low temp, like 200 degrees for an hour or so, maybe longer until they are done.

seaworld

alright then, had to go to seaworld. did the original park with shamu the fucker whale and then did aquatica, the brand-spanking new water park.

approached both with dread, basically cuz i thought it would be like disney, which is one of the most evil places and evil corporations that exists.

seaworld was pretty good. awesome i guess. not the continuing pressure to spend money, not really high prices like the evil kingdom, but FREE BEER. yeah, the hospitality building has all the free budweiser products you can suck down. decently priced kid meals and lunches. i did not feel fleeced.

seeing the animals was good and getting there early is a must. you can get through most of the attractions before anyone clogs the place.

going early is absolutely necessary for aquatica. we hit it just as it opended at 0900, no lines, and we were there during easter week.

bluntly, we hit every ride twice, with no lines. in fact i was coughing up blood from having to climb those goddamn stairs so fast to keep up with the kids. it was the most excercise i had in years. rides were wicked worth it. cost was only about $35 and they have this all you can eat buffet deal. by 11:30, it was an hour wait for most of the big rides, but by then, we had hit them twice! there is this wicked cool floating ride that you grab a vest for and just let the current take you for the rest of the afternoon, or go to the wave pool and pretend you just leaped from a ship that sunk in the middle of a large body of water. weirdly enough, you dont smell chlorine

anyhow, good stuff, not that expensive, wicked crowds so go early.

the beach

Do not go gentle into that good night

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light

-Dylan Thomas....listen to him read it here

doesn't it make you feel all squiggly?

smoke this

it amazes me the amount of you people that have no idea how to prepare food for consumption. in short, you are pathetic. if there was a calamity tomorrow, you would be at the mercy of many, many really fucking stupid people in the world, because most stupid people in the world at least know how to cook. mostly because they dont have enough money to buy the food, or pay someone to make it for them.

those people in the world deemed attractive by their respective cultures tend to be more stupid on the average cuz they get by on their looks. you have never been accused of this. i know because you are reading my blog.

when some moistened bint marries that freakish rich dude, it skews things up. all of a sudden, current physical-attractive qualities in one spouse mesh with usually ugly-attractrive qualities and you have mutant children who usually end up really fucked up because of a hot/stupid parent and a smart/ugly/rich parent.

in any event, preparing food is wicked easy. to smoke ribs:

fuck your easy gas grill. thats right, open it up and stick your cock(there are no women reading this, and if there are, they probably have a cock) between the kooky grate structure and pump away. for good food, that is all your easy gas grill is worth. ripping your dick flesh off on the sides of charred burger and chicken skin.

now, you could use the gas grill, just rip all the guts out of it. you can even use the kooky grate structure.

using a proper grill or your now modified gas grill, pile charcoal on one side of grill and ignite. wait a bit for that gallon of starter fluid you dumped on it to burn off then put the pre-sliced slabs of ribs that you dry rubbed last night.....oh fuck, you asshole you forgot to dry rub them last night, you idiot. dont waste time making a rub, buy one from the store, dont get that asshole emerils though.

anyway, you can still jam, put the slabs on the other side of the grill from the charcoal. you might want to put a disposable aluminum tray underneath to catch all the fat. then, monitor the coals for at least 5 hours, replenshing every half-hour to 45 minutes. during this time you can pop some wood smoking stuff on, you only need to do this a few times, but the more the better.

if this is followed, then the meat will fall off the bone. if you need to rush it, after four hours, wrap the ribs in foil and replace on grill for ten minutes, the meat will steam off bone.

you can also pop chicken on during the later stages of this process, as well as potatoes, yams, corn on the cob.

go cook your own food.