more reasons why we are fucked

if you dont know the what the logo is on the bottom left, watch till the end and wonder why our media does not show these ignorant fucks.

you better be ashamed if you live in ohio.

top films/classic

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to kill a mockingbird
12 angry men
some like it hot

this is why we are fucked

in pennsylvania for christs sake! look, all you fuckers that voted for bush, think about it. dont try to vindicate yourself by voting republican. look above at the assholes you are aligning yourself with.

look deep, deep in your soul and ask if you want that cuntassbitch in line for running the country you live in. if you do, then make sure you are ok with the shit happenning below you assfucker.



and to sink to their level:

what is the difference between sarah palins vagina and her mouth?

sometimes retarded things come out of her vagina

stoopid republicanz

this upcoming election is pretty simple to handicap. mccain is going to win.

you assfuckers who put bush in first, and then, with your heads further up each others ass put him in again, are clearly stupid enough to put mccain in. you feel that you need to validate your choice, or make it right. god forbid you could be wrong!!!

it amazes me that so many of you jackasses cant even admit that you were stupid. there are some of you that cant admit that the sorry, sad state of our nation is due to the current administration.

there are the enlightened. many morons i know and love who voted republican the last two elections have admitted they were duped. but the deception will not extend to punting the party.

nice guys finish last which means that you republicans will all rot in hell you fuckers cuz continuing to put asslicking republicans in control is not nice.

ok, that doesnt make much sense, and for a purpose. you need your vote to make sense. you need to stand up, admit that you are a member of society and that you feel all people should

run weasel run

after you watch this for about the third time you'll be cracking up...this kid thought his house was being robbed and look how fast he bailed.

fire lights in the sky

the only reason to live is emotion and sensation.

when my 4-year-old responds to my question about stars, he is looking up, and i can see precise reflections in his youthful retinas, and he nods surely, slowly, looking up at the darkness and says, in, not a whisper, but just above one..."there are fire lights in the sky"...i just about fell apart.

to have moments like that, everyday, is a reason to live.

tempted

I bought a toothbrush, some toothpaste
A flannel for my face
Pyjamas, a hairbrush
New shoes and a case
I said to my reflection
Lets get out of this place
Past the church and the steeple
The laundry on the hill
Billboards and the buildings
Memories of it still
Keep calling and calling
But forget it all
I know I will

Tempted by the fruit of another
Tempted but the truth is discovered
Whats been going on
Now that you have gone
Theres no other
Tempted by the fruit of another
Tempted but the truth is discovered

Im at the car park, the airport
The baggage carousel
The people keep on crowding
Im wishing I was well
I said its no occasion
Its no story I could tell

At my bedside empty pocket
A foot without a sock
Your body gets much closer
I fumble for the clock
Alarmed by the seduction
I wish that it would stop

I bought a novel, some perfume
A fortune all for you
But its not my conscience
That hates to be untrue
I asked of my reflection
Tell me what is there to do

-difford/tilbrook (squeeze jackass)

listen to it here

law & order

bong-bong

how can you deny this empire? it churns on and on. with each stir it gets better. sometimes a bitter pill is swallowed, but always shitted out.

for those attorneys that practice in ny, it is awesome. for those criminals, and/or future criminals, it is a fairly accurate portrayal of the system, albeit a truncated one. in what seems like a day or so, a normal criminal case might take the da the whole six months to indict. there is not that much rush to indictment.

while i have a fondness for the original, criminal intent is my favorite. dont really like the svu much, but i can watch the reruns of the others like columbo. where is columbo these days?

halo 3

i cant believe it has taken me this long to pound it out about halo 3.

the game simply rocks it. for me, unequivocally, the best video game out there. from many different aspects.

1st is the look. sleek, gleaming, smooth play...the coolness factor is huge. 2nd, the campaign can get really fucking hairy, especially with skulls on. if you get through legendary, then you have skills. if you get through legendary with all skulls on, you must be jedi, or not have a life, or have so much money you dont need a life. 3rd is multiplayer. clearly the best and every other video game compares itself to it. 4th is support from bungie. click on bungie.net on my links section to the right for a look at the immersion which takes place once you decide to channel your inner master chief.

steven segal

you gotta give this guy his due. it is quite likely he can kick anyones ass and while his delivery here is somewhat humorous, the content is awesome.

viola!

viola! \vwä-ˈlä\

it is a french word.

for the love of christ it is not "wallah". stop this insanity right fucking now!!! you can hear "wallah" on almost every single food network show. these idiots can cook french food but can not speak it.

try to look up "wallah" in the dictionary, you cant find it.

learn it. feel superior and mock every goddamn assfucker who says it from now on.

martinis

stop the madness

a martini is gin and a breeze of vermouth.

for the love of whatever you hold holy stop "tini"izing drinks.

i just heard about a pumpkintini. what the fuck people? just cut it out. if you dont have the balls to drink a martini, then drink the candiassshit you want but have the gumption to not try to glamorize yourself.

you can read about the martini here

you'll note from wikipedia the comment about offending martini purists. to be sure, i am not one. i drink scotch neat and when i drink gin, i drink gin on the rocks like my dad, like a man. i am just sick to death about all these tinifuck drinks. some of them dont even have gin, in fact most of them dont.

the vodka martini is ok. not because of bond, but because it is calling itself out as what it is and it has been around for a real long time.

admittedly there are not many y-chromosomes participating in the recent charade, but the younger bucks are not getting a history. i was in a bar when a gallant chap ordered a martini and the fucking bartender said "what kind". this is sad, escpecially from a purveyor.

pretty soon there will be an orangetini which will be vodka and orange juice.

wait for it.

jabberwocky

twas brillig and the slithy toves
did gyre and gimble in the wabe
all mimsy were the borogoves
and the momraths outgrabe

beware the jabberwock my son
the jaws that bite the claws that catch
beware the jubjub bird and shun
the frumious bandersnatch

he took his vorpal sword in hand
longtime the manxome foe he sought
so rested he by the tumtum tree
and stood awhile in thought

and as is uffish thought he stood
the jabberwock with eyes of flame
came whiffling through the tulgy wood
and burbled as it came

one two one two and through and through
the vorpal blade went snicker-snack
he left it dead and with its head
he went galumphing back

and hast thou slain the jabberwock
come to my arms my beamish boy
o frabjous day, callooh callay
he chortled in his joy

twas brillig and the slithy toves
did gyre and gimble in the wabe
all mimsy were the borogoves
and the momeraths outgrabe.

-lewis carroll (forgive the punctuation and spelling errors, it's from memory)

new car v. used car

i can not state it any more clearly than this: if you buy a new car, you are a sap. all you are doing is putting money in the dealers pocket and losing money on the car.

it is fairly safe to say that you lose almost 1/3 the money you paid for the car as soon as you take possession of it. i know about the wicked high end cars and yes there are the one or two models in such high demand that this does not apply to them, but for the most part, the high cost of cars gets credited to the dealerships.

if you could order your car straight from the manufacturer, it would be significantly cheaper. i guess this is always the way but with so much money being spent, why has it stayed this way?

i have had tremendous success with used cars. i have not paid more than 4k for a vehicle except for the only new vehicle i purchased...a dodge dakota the first year they came out. i forget, i think it was 18k or something.

the pickup did not sour me, except for the haggling at the purchase point. i used to think car salesmen deserved the bad rep they got until i was introduced to realtors. car salesmen are mother theresa compared to those assfucking realtors.

anyway, used cars, yeah, i said used, not pre-owned, used cars rock it. i dont care how much money you make, it does not matter. the more expensive the car, the more cars you can have and afford to own.

i would rather have several vehicles instead of one expensive one. used cars allow for this.

also, you dont care what happens to a used car.

i have a 99 caddy. it looks awesome. it cost 4k. the cpu blew, it cost $170 to fix and for the last two years, running super. if something happened to it, i can reach into my pocket and replace it quite easily. i dont care if the kids slam a door into it or puke in the back seat.

i dont care if some asshole keys me cuz i was an asshole to him.

i dont care if it needs a tranny job cuz ill just go buy a different car.

you jerkbags out there who say " i cant deal with someone elses problem" or whatever, you are just loser jerkbags

if you switch to a used vehicle, you will aid in the lowering of new car cost, which then lowers used car cost.

you should take pleasure in letting an ignorant person, be they able to afford or simply really stupid, buy a new car for you so you can own it after them for a fraction of the price.

events

wtf is with "events" now. i know ad people try to fuck over the stupid with the name changes, just like all you republicans jumped on the idiot wagon with the evil people in charge now with all their smearing of the truth utilizing ad techniques (which just goes to show that the majority of republicans are stupid fucking idiots easily swayed by words)

but why cant we revolt? dont go to anything called an event, its just a sale for any of you republicans out there who have not caught on yet.

rise up and fuck these admen in the ass with this shit. openly revolt against any seller who uses this paint job. "come to our holiday event" "now, visit us during our 3-day event" it is a fucking sale, and by sale i do not mean a reduction in prices.

oh yeah, support anyone who will bring up the the people in charge of our nation right now on war crimes and whenever you can, call for the impeachment of the fucking morons you voted for. stand up and admit it and then right your wrong.

food network

easy to watch.

food network has this formula, more or less, for every cooking program:

first thing -in less than a minute- tell & show what recipies are being made. you can stop here when you dont like the food, so dvr all the programs you want and then burn through the food you dont want to make.

it sort of does not matter who is giving you this information, unless it is that emeril fuck. jesus is he annoying, no wonder his presence has been diminished.

bobby flay rocks on that channel. i think almost eveyrone else does not rock. that pseudo italian chick is going to flame out soon thank god. paula dean is getting old, and not just old looking.

the network seems to be phasing in new people with no hoopla and seeing how it plays out.

they could save a shitload of money just narrating a cooking show. i dont need to hear about how they ate brussel sprouts as a child or burned their hand on a hot artichoke, just give me directions to the food. maybe some tips, a little history.

i guess i forgot about alton brown, his stuff rocks too.

harder better faster stronger

Work It
Make It
Do It
Makes Us
Harder
Better
Faster
Stronger
More Than
Hour
Our
Never
Ever
After
Work is
Over

Work It Harder Make It Better
Do It Faster, Makes Us stronger
More Than Ever Hour After
Our Work Is Never Over

-daft punk

listen to it here

cats

cats fucking suck. they are the most useless animals as pets. note that i state "as pets". cuz all you fucking catfuckers will talk about the killing of other animals, and to this i can not object. barn cats, outside cats these things i can deal with, it is the house cat converted to pet to which i steer my disdain.

house cats are preferred by persons who are not persons you like to hang around. people you like to hang around have dogs. cats are emotionless fucks that shit in your house and only come around when they want something. they do no good. they get fat and then you have to spend money on them.

cats dont do tricks, they complain and screech when they dont get what they want.

here is an awesome video which i cant stop laughing at whenever i see it.



i wish this upon all cats, to ram their fucking heads into walls.

as a youth, we used to take massive coiled phone-type cords and nail them to the ends of rakes and swing them at cats to tangle their legs up. we didnt do anything after that like kill em or anything, but it was much fun chasing them.

i cant get over how people put up with letting cats piss & shit in really nice and open places in their homes and then clean up the little shits with rakes and stuff.

cats need to be eliminted from pet status. any cat-pet owner who thinks that their cat likes them is fucking deluded and really stupid.

all dogs want to do is please you, all cats want is for you to please them. so, please kick the next fucking house cat you see, or at least go up to the shitball, place the top of your foot under its body between the front and back legs, and then lift up really fast, like you are passing a soccer ball, its wicked funny.

slightly useful interweb page

now and again i head to this page, it takes your phone number and gives you the alpha permutations of it

hats 1

people wearing hats these days are out of fucking control. at a really hot & humid outdoor concert i swear it was this exact chick here in this photo wearing a knit fucking hat. what a fucking retard!!! clearly she was wearing it as a fashion statement, it wasnt like she had cancer or anything, but apparently she was afflicted with not having any fashion sense.

then there is the cabbie hat, initially favored by latin-community women and now co-opted by scores of really, really fucking retarded people. how does any human being feel that this thing on their head makes them attractive?

it is not like the hats pictured below have any utilitarian use at all. the decor comes from some warped variation of a sailing hat or something. these things look really, really, really stupid on anyone.



unless the dude in the hat below has four square yards of dreadlocks crammed in the back and is token on a spliff, any person wearing the hat below must be shot. i need to know what possess people to wear this shit. cant one of you assholes who wear these goofy hats let me know why? i am begging you.



dollars to doughnuts no one responds.

you need to call these assholes on this chapeau pax.

gourmet pet food

things are clearly out of hand.

i am all for decadance, especially my own. what i am not for is decadance for pets.

i just read usa today this morning and there was a story about gourmet dog food being crafted at hotels.

then, one of the few times i have seen a commercial (dvr) i saw one for this really gross cat food. what i can remember is that it was clear the cat food cost a shit load for a fucking cat. and to hear that people will be spending significant ducats on pets needlessly is really starting to stink.

there used to be the random will or trust left to a fucking pet, but now it appears that this type of disgusting treatment is starting to mainstream. it comes from people who have no family treating animals like family.

the problem is, these animals ARE FUCKING ANIMALS. especially those fucking cats. more on those assfucking useless pieces of shit in a later blog coming to you soon.

in any event, if you are one of these people treating a fucking animal better than that human being you stepped over last week on the sidewalk, fuck you, you suck and are warped.

i do not put animals on a higher level than humans, i put those lower humans on a level below me.

update 7.8.08 over the weekend i picked up a box of popsicles for the kids and right next to them in the store freezer were boxes of icecream treats FOR DOGS!!!!!

fern hill

Now as I was young and easy under the apple boughs
About the lilting house and happy as the grass was green,
The night above the dingle starry,
Time let me hail and climb
Golden in the heydays of his eyes,
And honoured among wagons I was prince of the apple towns
And once below a time I lordly had the trees and leaves
Trail with daisies and barley
Down the rivers of the windfall light.

And as I was green and carefree, famous among the barns
About the happy yard and singing as the farm was home,
In the sun that is young once only,
Time let me play and be
Golden in the mercy of his means,
And green and golden I was huntsman and herdsman, the calves
Sang to my horn, the foxes on the hills barked clear and cold,
And the sabbath rang slowly
In the pebbles of the holy streams.

All the sun long it was running, it was lovely, the hay
Fields high as the house, the tunes from the chimneys, it was air
And playing, lovely and watery
And fire green as grass.
And nightly under the simple stars
As I rode to sleep the owls were bearing the farm away,
All the moon long I heard, blessed among stables, the nightjars
Flying with the ricks, and the horses
Flashing into the dark.

And then to awake, and the farm, like a wanderer white
With the dew, come back, the cock on his shoulder: it was all
Shining, it was Adam and maiden,
The sky gathered again
And the sun grew round that very day.
So it must have been after the birth of the simple light
In the first, spinning place, the spellbound horses walking warm
Out of the whinnying green stable
On to the fields of praise.

And honoured among foxes and pheasants by the gay house
Under the new made clouds and happy as the heart was long,
In the sun born over and over,
I ran my heedless ways,
My wishes raced through the house high hay
And nothing I cared, at my sky blue trades, that time allows
In all his tuneful turning so few and such morning songs
Before the children green and golden
Follow him out of grace.

Nothing I cared, in the lamb white days, that time would take me
Up to the swallow thronged loft by the shadow of my hand,
In the moon that is always rising,
Nor that riding to sleep
I should hear him fly with the high fields
And wake to the farm forever fled from the childless land.
Oh as I was young and easy in the mercy of his means,
Time held me green and dying
Though I sang in my chains like the sea.


-dylan thomas

goya

the food brand jackass.

if you go by this aisle, then you are missing a bunch.

to start, their prices are the lowest and it is good stuff.

the canned goods prices kick ass and are of the same quality. it is not imported stuff, the company was founded by spainards and operates out of new jersey.

almost every time i go to the store i stop and pick out something i never tried before.

the marinade, i think it is simply called mojo is wicked. a massive wine-bottle of it for 2 bucks. it make steak mouthwatering.

sure there is cuttlefish in little tins and shit i would not normally eat, but that stuff gets outweighed by what you would eat if you just stopped by and tried something other than riceafuckingroni.

finger pointers

if you attend concerts, you are familiar with this brand of youth. in short, they point their fingers in the air to the beat.

some of them will fist pound the air, some will do other things, all thrust the arm in the air in a rhythmic manner. when you get them close together, it becomes a sea of finger pointers, sort of cool, UNLESS THEY ARE BLOCKING YOUR FUCKING VIEW OF THE ARTISTS YOU HAVE PAID TO SEE ONSTAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!

i dont have a problem with the occasional finger point, but these assholes who seem to be feeling that somehow they are a part of the performance are the ones which begin the annoyance.

most finger pointers are singing lyrics and feel that the finger point, in some way, instructs the artist who wrote the music and lyrics and is now singing them, that these lyrics and the music are correct and the finger pointer is attempting to communicate with the artist and the crowd to say "yes, you have written music and lyrics, and you are now performing them in a correct manner with which i agree".

time and again you will see the hefty, drunk guy incessantly salute every half-beat for about three songs before he realizes that his arm has fallen off. truly, the best friend of an offended-non-finger-pointer is time. in time, all finger pointers get tired, so at least by the end of the concert, and even for encores, the fingerpointers are done.

there are variations on the finger point. most common is the index finger and pinky pointed up in the air with the middle finger and ring finger tucked into the palm. the thumb is a variable here....tucked in to the palm you get the "hook-em-horns" thing and straight out you get the sign language formation of "i love you". either one is equally retarded in the setting. next is the fist, then peace sign, which brings us to............

the uber finger pointer. always a female. most frequently a chubby one and not really all that attractive. this person will rely most on the finger point, but will contort the hand(s) in may different shapes in some sort of hindu/yoga/"i am a complete retard who has hand motions which only i can understand" way.

this person is clearly an egotistic fuck who screams for attention. getting two hands and arms into the act as well and goofy body movements which may be some sort of adaption of a walrus mating ritual they saw on the nature channel. if you are behind this person and close, it will ruin the concert. i suggest halls eucylptus lozenges. suck em for a while and toss it into her hair. after trying to get the third one out she will move.

why these assfuckers drive me to blog about them is confounding to me. you cant just say "dont look at her" because she is right in front of you and you have to look past her to see the performers. if she is just to the right or left, the arms and hands rolling around in the air cant be ignored. of course they do this with their eyes closed because of the intense hate every other eye has for the bitch she does not want to see.

at the last concert, the whores boyfriend would not sit with her because of her gyrations. good for you buddy, put a bag on her head too!

you need to say something to these fucks. tell them they are bothering you. go get an usher and ask them to tell her to stop it. your neighbors will join in and hopefully she will go away, not just stop, but go away. have the usher check her ticket stub. most of these assholes can't afford good seats so she probably is scamming the seat anyway and you are doing everyone a favor. you will get cudos from your neighbors, i assure a spliff will pass your way.

finally, urge venues to have "finger pointing sections only". this will force all finger pointers to suffer what normal people do. they will see how retarded it is and complain. it also will allow free viewing cuz as soon as some jackass finger points in a non-finger pointing section, you can get them bounced.

stand up for your right to enjoy a concert without an asshole ruining it for you and the rest of us.

beautiful world

Its a beautiful world we live in
A sweet romantic place
Beautiful people everywhere
The way they show they care
Makes me want to say

Its a beautiful world
Its a beautiful world
Its a beautiful world
For you, for you, for you

Its a wonderful time to be here
Its nice to be alive
Wonderful people everywhere
The way they comb their hair
Makes me want to say

Its a wonderful place
Its a wonderful place
Its a wonderful place
For you, for you, for you

Hey tell me what I see
Boy and girl with the new clothes on
You can shake it to me all night long hey hey

Its a beautiful world we live in
A sweet romantic place
Beautiful people everywhere
The way they show they care
Makes me want to say

Its a beautiful world
Its a beautiful world
Its a beautiful world
For you, for you, for you

-mark mothersbaugh & gerry v. casale(devo jackass)

listen to it here

watch the video on you tube here